capitalh | [ billy the bookcase says hello ]

Entry tags:

[ billy the bookcase says hello ]

Who: Knock Out and Starscream
What: Knock Out and Starscream get lost in an Ikea.
Where: The Decepticon warship. But then, IKEA.
When: now. ish? yeah. now's about right
Warnings: gross incompetence. really guys this is just embarrassing

It'd been an interesting time, Starscream's absence. Not one of Knock Out's favorite times, honestly. Megatron's been rather temperamental since Optimus Prime came back, and Knock Out's mostly done his best to stay out of his way. Now Starscream's back on the ship, though not necessarily in Megatron's good graces. Frankly, Knock Out's not surprised. He'd had his doubts that Starscream had really been dead.

Knock Out goes down to the brig to see Starscream not too long after he's returned to the conquest, his optics curious, maybe just slightly amused. After all, none of this is affecting him, not really. And watching Starscream and Megatron's ups and downs can provide some entertainment, provided one isn't standing too close. He stops in front of Starscream's cell and leans in, waving with a flex of his fingers.

"Fancy seeing you here," he says with a smirk, his tone a little dry. "And we all thought you were dead."

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Deja vu, Starscream is once again stewing in the corner of his cell, much the same as he has been for the last goddamn month. He doesn't quite brighten when Knock Out shows up, that's definitely not the right word for it, but he does seem... not pissed off, lets say, to have a visitor who he's on semi good terms with and isn't likely to punch him in the face. Or choke him. Or throw him against a wall.

"Knock Out!" He exclaims, moving forward cautiously. "Come now, you didn't really believe that, did you? You and I both know not to take everything that Megatron says as hard truth."

God he is so glad that there's finally someone around that he can have pleasant conversation with, it's even starting to show on his face a bit.

"Of course not. Do I look surprised?" Knock Out smirks, rolling his optics slightly. He draws nearer to Starscream's cell, looking him over. Well, their second-in-command -- erstwhile second-in-command, perhaps, who even knows these days -- he's certainly seen better not.

"Unfortunately, it's not as though there have been any counter rumors," Knock Out says, looking thoughtfully at Starscream. "Perhaps you'd like to fill me in on your little leave of absence?"

"Mmmm. There's not much to tell, truth be told," he says airily. "Most of that time was spent in various jail cells, the only differences between them being who was in charge. It was an abysmally boring few weeks." He cups the side of his own head in one hand, tapping his fingers. "Although... It may interest you to know that I had an unpleasant run-in with a certain earth-based scientific organization, in the course of my daring escape from captivity."

He is so gearing up to spin an epic yarn out of this.

All right, you've got his attention now, Starscream. Knock Out's optics widen, flashing slightly, and he leans in closer to the cell intently.

"TRIDENT?"

Starscream flashes him a coy smirk and nods his confirmation. "Believe it or not, one of their members actually approached me with the offer of assisting in my escape. Naturally I could have achieved that by myself in due time, but I was impatient and eager to be on my way, so I accepted the deal."

As he gets into the next part of the tale, he no longer looks so amused. "I'm certain you could hazard a guess as to what happened once that business had successfully concluded, but I shall save you the trouble. Scarcely more than a few minutes after we absconded from CONDOR's reach, my would-be savior decided to show his true colors," he says in a hushed tone, clenching a fist. "As it turned out, he had little interest in freeing me, but plenty of hope for finding a replacement for another Cybertronian test subject of his that had run off on him recently. They were quite determined to bring me in, too; he came well equipped with ample backup, plenty of tech designed to bring one of our kind down..."

Another airy hand gesture helps complete Starscream's tale. "Unfortunately for his underlings, he was, evidently, not expecting a flier."

Knock Out's optics flash a little, but he looks somewhat amused -- he gives Starscream a razorlike smile, the vicious pleasure in it reserved more for the TRIDENT agent's failure than Starscream's near-capture.

"Glad you to hear you got away, then," Knock Out says, flexing his fingers, clawtips catching the low light of the brig. "I'm sure you'll be glad to hear that Megatron's given us the all-clear to eradicate them if they attempt to recapture Breakdown or Sollux..." His smile stretches across his face, wide as can be. "Personally, I'm looking forward to the opportunity."

"Well it's about time," Starscream exclaims. "How I would love to get my claws on them... perhaps one day," he sighs dramatically and then fixes Knock Out with a more serious look. "But enough about that... lets have an equal exchange. Tell me, how have things here in my absence?"

"Oh, you know, the usual," Knock Out says, his voice deliberately offhand. "I've been keeping busy in the medibay, when Shockwave hasn't been usurping it... Megatron's been in a right state ever since Optimus regained the Matrix, I'll give you that. Oh, and TRIDENT's placed a bounty on Breakdown and Gemini's heads both." He smiles thinly, although it's not a very nice smile.

"Actually, speaking of the little fleshling -- I wanted to ask you a favor."

Starscream raises one ridiculous brow, a mild but utterly unimpressed frown on his face. "A favor? Really? If you haven't noticed, im not exactly in an ideal position for doling those out."

"Oh, I think you'd be surprised what you can do for me without even leaving your cell." Knock Out flashes a slag-eating grin, but it lasts only a moment as he shrugs his shoulders.

"Unfortunately, it's not very glamorous, either. Gemini has been skulking around the ship for months -- I think he's been nesting -- but it's simply not sustainable. I need to obtain...furniture. And I need your help."

Starscream's optics flash; Knock Out had best watch himself if he intends to start teasing him about his current captivity, because lets be real, they both know there's no way that this is going to be a permanent state of affairs.

Still, the seeker doesn't look too pissed off, just... increasingly unimpressed. He lets out a prolonged sigh, crossing his arms and cupping a cheek with one hand.
"That sounds... Ah, what's the phrase that I'm looking for?" He taps the side of his face with two talons. "Oh, yes. Incredibly dull. Why should either of us care if the runt is uncomfortable? Moreover, why should you require my help in caring for Breakdown's organic menagerie?"

Knock Out looks a touch annoyed at that, flicking what is probably an imaginary speck of dust off the front of his gleaming chassis. "I care because Breakdown cares. And I thought you'd like an opportunity to get out for a bit -- even if it's not with your real body -- but if you're really keen on just staring at the same four walls indefinitely... Well, suit yourself. I'm sure Megatron will be letting you out any time now."

No please god take him with you-

"Now now Knock Out, no need to get your fender in a twist. It merely struck me as odd, is all..." He glances around, grimacing with suspicion, and leans in close again, voice low. "I can't be too careful; that damned Soundwave is always watching, waiting for me to slip up."

Aha. Knock Out knew it; for all Starscream's posturing, the seeker's good and ready to get out for a bit, however he can. Knock Out permits himself a truly insufferably smug grin, his optics lighting up as he leans in.

"Oh, of course. We wouldn't want him eavesdropping..." Besides, Knock Out knows he couldn't trust Soundwave to accompany him on a furniture-acquiring mission. Starscream's pretty much his only option besides Breakdown, and he's got reasons for not asking Breakdown along. "So you'll come along, then?"

Starscream leans back, rolling his eyes as he does. "Yes yes, I'll come. Just tell me where the hell to project to."

"I'm thrilled to have your cooperation," Knock Out says with palpable smugness, curling his fingers in obvious pleasure. "I'll forward you the coordinates. Meet me in an hour, mm? I can assure you it won't take long."

Sure enough, an hour later Knock Out's alt mode is parked comfortably in the parking lot of a massive concrete building emblazoned only with the ominous brand of IKEA. His avatar is hovering out by the front doors, ostensibly playing with his phone with a terrifically bored expression on his face.

Starscream rolls his eyes aggressively in response to Knock Out’s smug attitude, but ultimately agrees. At the designated time, his cagey-looking (but pretty sharply dressed) avatar approaches Knock Out’s, pausing to glance up suspiciously at the store’s sign before he speaks.

“I assume you did your research before settling on a dealer?” He asks very seriously, as if they are about to set off on some kind of mission of legitimate importance to the cause. Someone really misses his job.

Knock Out's avatar aggressively rolls its eyes at Starscream's, obviously unimpressed by Starscream's desperate attempts to legitimize the mission. It's a milk run, Starscream. The seeker must really be starved for purposeful activity these days.

"Of course I did my research," Knock Out scoffs, gesturing grandly at the huge concrete building. "This is the premier dealer of what I'm looking for. Besides, what do you care? I thought it didn't matter to you one way or another what I got for Gemini."

He's been in jail for literal months Knock Out what did you expect.

He sniffs and sticks his nose up, sounding offended. "It doesn't, I just want to make sure we have at least some idea of what we are stepping into."

Another pause, and he glances at the hideous blue and yellow sign again. "I Just don't have a very good feeling about this place... call it a hunch."

"If you're scared, you're welcome to turn back," Knock Out says with a smug little sneer, mostly because he knows Starscream won't. "I'm not worried. It's a human home goods store, what are you worried about?"

"Being suspicious doesn't always equal being scared," Starscream shoots back, growing ruffled. "I have a certain warriors intuition, I am merely informing you of what it says. But fine, if you are so certain..." He marches forward, barging ahead through the crowd milling out front of the entrance.

Warrior's intuition. Right. Knock Out rolls his eyes and follows Starscream, though he totally insists on pushing ahead past Starscream so he can lead the way.

The scale of the inside of the building seems at odds with the exterior -- somehow it seems even bigger inside, the entrance a mere glimpse into the vast abyss of Ikea. Honestly, Knock Out's like, just a tiny bit impressed by the humans' ability to craft something so impressive -- then he remembers that he's seeing things scaled up significantly due to the relative size of his avatar, and it loses its sheen a little. He points up at the escalator taking people up to the second floor, the entrance of the showroom.

"Ah, we'll go up that way. They have quite the selection, apparently."

Starscream contemplates throwing a bitch fit about Knock Out's rude behavior, but decides that it's kind of not worth it in this case. One of these days though.

The building itself seems innocuous enough, but the atmosphere... He glances around at the crowds, lip curling with disdain. So many pathetic humans, milling about and bumping into each other like useless sheep. And the lighting... it's not inhibiting in any way but there's something kind of harsh and unwelcoming about the pure white light from the facilities fluorescent fixtures.

He follows the pointed finger with his eyes, eyebrows arching. "Well by all means then, if you're navigating..." he does a little 'after you' sort of gesture. It makes him feel better about himself if he gives KO the permission to lead, even if the medic doesn't actually need it, in any way, at all.

"Navigating," Knock Out snorts as he snags a basket -- just in case! -- and leads Starscream onto the escalator. They begin to ascend into the Valhalla of modular furniture, the vantage point affording them a sweeping view of the lower level. Okay, this place really is vast. "What's to navigate? You walk through, look at all of the stuff, and then you retrieve the items you want. It's mind bendingly simple."

Yeah yeah WAIT UNTIL YOU EAT THOSE WORDS, KNOCK OUT.

Starscream rolls his eyes when he isn't looking, sulking with his arms crossed a step below him on the escalator. He glances around at the entrance to the belly of the store. "If it's so mind bendingly simple, why do they feel the need to provide you with a map of the place?" he points out, gesturing at the actual large map that the store has posted at the entrance to the show room. He has no interest in being deliberately contrary with Knock Out, but, come on man. "Though I suppose that perhaps the feeble minded humans find that sort of aid necessary," he adds on reluctantly.

"That's right," Knock Out agrees smugly, leaning jauntily back against the rail of the escalator. "Humans don't have built-in navigational systems -- not ones that work, anyway -- and this place is rather large for a species their size. It shouldn't be much trouble for us to get through, and quickly at that."

They arrive at the top of the escalator at the start of the meandering path of showrooms. Knock Out gestures ahead of them to the tastefully laid-out modular kitchens.

"Now all we have to do is find the bedroom section."

OK now this place is DEFINITELY grating on his processors, and he’s only looking at the showroom from the outside. Humans have such frivolous taste in decor, in his opinion. Absolutely garish. He snarls, not unlike a dog, as more and more people shove past him and bump his avatar. “Just hurry up and lead the way, before I lose my patience and strangle one of these hu-” a tiny old lady catches Starscream’s eye as he speaks and looks alarmed, so he cuts off. “...one of these locals.”

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[ billy the bookcase says hello ]

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