capitalh | No you can't!

Who: Eusine and Miko
Where: Somewhere in LA /gestures vaguely
When: M-M-M-MUSICAL EVENT
What: The Mysticalman comes across an annoyingly slippery bad guy. Miko comes across the Mysticalman. It all goes downhill from here.
Warnings: Extreme losers

It's not a good day for Eusine. Catching that petty robber should have been a piece of cake, really. Some D-lister with a guitar? Frankly, it's almost insulting that you would even suggest he's incapable of handling this.

And yet... cornering him took a ludicrous amount of time. A combination of bad luck and unaligned astral bodies, clearly, and nothing to do with the fact the guy can break glass with his voice. Not a problem for the Mysticalman, master of gadgets! ... is what Eusine would have said, if only one of his rockets hadn't jammed at the exact worst moment, leaving him to continue his pursuit on foot. If not for his amazing tracking skills, the villain might very well have escaped! Oh, the tragedy.

But no matter. No one can escape JUSTICE for very long, especially when JUSTICE is ridiculously tenacious, prone to dramatic speeches and loud enough to drown-out their voice-related powers. Most people would have the good sense to look a tiny bit ashamed for taking so long to catch a mere robber, probably; Eusine, however, is leaning more towards satisfied smugness as he ties the criminal up, because being humble is clearly for people with no faith in their own abilities.

Yep. Totally got this.

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"No you can't." Forget listening carefully. You'd need tools of astronomical precision to detect the change in Eusine's voice.

"Yes I can." Apparently neither of these two has any idea what "softer" means. Or they just don't care.

"No you can't." Both. Both is good.

"Yes I can, YES I CAN!" Very suddenly, Miko drops all pretense of being quiet and basically shouts in Eusine's face at the top of her lungs. This is clearly the best way to win any argument, of course.

Looks like his feathers are ruffled. Are you even TRYING, Miko? ... is what he's about to say when the musical virus strikes again, filling him with inspiration.

"I can write a story, a true web tragedy!"

She might be a journalist, but he's a master fanfiction writer.

"I can write it faster, get more clicks per hour!"

As if the Internet is the main medium she uses for journalism stuff, which, of course, will probably never happen. Obviously. She's definitely still going to be working for the paper for the foreseeable future.

Anyway the point is: She can do things better than him. SO THERE.

Hey, he writes plenty fast! He doesn't even have a beta reader!

What else, what else... Hah!

"I can cheat at any game!"

Eusine, are... are you sure this is something you should be proud of? Oh well.

"Without being caught?" Wow, she doesn't even really properly feign interest this time. Everything about her expression and tone screams that she's setting him up here.

And he falls right into the trap.

"Of course!"

"Who would've thought-- you tool!" Really, Eusine, she's impressed. She wouldn't have thought you capable of that. Now she knows that you're at least semi-competent at being an ass.

Wow, rude. He's VERY competent at being an ass.
...
Wait.

He looks mildly offended for a second, before taking on a more contemplative expression. What else could they compete about...

"Any note you can hold, I can hold longer!" Hey, since they're already singing anyway!

She grins - more than she already was, anyway. "I can hold anything longer than you!" You have just made a terrible mistake, Eusine.

Be careful Miko, grin anymore and the corners of your mouth might ollie into outer space.

"No you can't!" Because that sentence totally worked before.

"Yes I can!" Clearly this is the key to a productive and meaningful conversation.

"No you can't!" Clearly one day he'll be able to brag to his grandchildren about how he won a singing contest against some journalist intern in a dingy back alley. While some criminal sat on the ground, waiting for them to finish and bored to death probably.

"Yes I can!" If nothing else, that guy is probably never going to break the law again. The chances of of a repeat of this are probably about one in ten million, but those odds are FAR TOO HIGH.

How to solve the issue of criminality forever: have every lawbreaker witness at least one argument between Miko and Eusine.

"No you can't!" Extra emphasis on "can't". Come on Miko, just give up already. He's clearly the superior one here, why drag it out?

And so somehow two of the worst people for the job managed to end crime. Amazing.

"Yes I can!" This time she doesn't wait for him to reply, and she actually apparently decides to break the formula. It's pretty fortunate for her that the guy Eusine just took down has a guitar. Which is something she knows how to play.

She reaches out and grabs the instrument away from the increasingly alarmed villain, then, in a display of genre-breaking that is surely against the Rules Of Being In A Musical (but apparently not, since she actually manages to do it), slams out a single chord.

"Yes I CAN!" This time she does hold the note out, as long as she physically can, basically screaming it. The supervillain just wants to go home.

Eusine isn't one to just give up; he does start bellowing "No you can't!" at the top of his lungs, dragging out the sound as long as humanly possible... But the truth is soon pretty evident.

"Yes you can!" And he looks supremely dejected about it. Why, if he'd known you could use instruments he'd have brought a trombone! The fact you can't sing WHILE playing wind instruments is an afterthought.

One glance at Miko's face can probably confirm that she is never going to let him forget this. Truly, she was victorious in this particular segment of this completely pointless argument.

She's not done just yet, though; she's going to try for AS MANY SHALLOW VICTORIES AS SHE CAN, even though she is, admittedly, running out of material (as if there ever was any to begin with).

"Anything you can wear, I can wear better! In what you wear, I'd look better than you." She actually does not want Eusine's clothes anywhere near her, they're ridiculous even by her standards. But, again, she is REALLY running out of material.

No you can't!

60 years later

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i've been waiting for a chance to use this icon

an excellent icon

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