OPEN LOG

[nitrodamus]

Who: Sollux and ANYONE.
Where: Around downtown Los Angeles, whoops.
When: Twilight on January 28th.
What: Karkat makes the mistake of leaving Sollux alone in the TB dormitories, which results in Sollux fuguing out and having a wander and upsetting a lot of people.
Warnings: Mental trauma and probably references to body horror.

It's so loud in the empty dorms that it wakes Sollux up. Karkat isn't there, and he doesn't know how long it's been since he left. He doesn't even think about it. He doesn't care - reality outside of the present is only a faint glimmer in the back of his mind.

The voices in his head are loud and clear. The voices of the dead and the dying. They were more frightening before, when their deaths had been imminent and unavoidable. Now they just linger like pedestrians waiting to catch their ride out of town.

The light looks dimmer than before, outside. Night. He decides he wants to leave.

Sollux leaves the Trailblazer dormitories without thinking to put shoes on, and wanders without direction. His appearance and identity as a troll are unconcealed, with him wearing nothing but an oversized t-shirt and jeans. The metal plugs and machinery built into the back of his skull is fully visible, and for once, he isn't thinking about it. As is the metal collar around his neck. He's decided that he's going to go somewhere, and do something, and he doesn't know what.

His ears flick at sounds that remind something in his ancestral subconscious of prey. Humans who see him on the street react negatively, and when he shows minimal or defensive response, they become afraid. Alternians are never especially welcome, but with one acting like this, they have no reason to believe he's actually a citizen. Especially when the only language he uses are threateningly insectoid hisses and clicks that resonate unfamiliarly from his throat.

Comments

[liberaition]

Kit flinches, and throws her hands up like one would at gunpoint.

"Okay! Okay, no going. No going anywhere, I'm sorry. I won't hurt you, I promise. We won't go, okay? I didn't mean to upset you, Gemini, I'm sorry. I just want to help."

[nitrodamus]

That does make him stop screaming, at least. He looks around the area, increasingly paranoid and distracted.

"Don't want here," he pleads, but to who its not sure. "I want to go."

[liberaition]

"Um." Slowly she reaches out again, and the closer she gets to Gemini the more she can feel something tugging at her consciousness. It almost feels like the small computer chips in her own brain, but different. Larger, maybe.

"So you don't want to stay here, but you don't want to go with me. Okay."

Her fingers brush his hand, and she gently takes hold of his wrist. Kit can feel it now, the hardware embedded in his skull. Closing her eyes, she reaches out with her mind, tuning out the physical world.

Hello. Can you hear me?

[nitrodamus]

He does hear it, and his first thought is to be terrified. It's like something is in his head again. Like someone. And the first thing she gets in response is a tangled mess of computerized thought forms and a sensation of disruption and pain.

He screeches and folds forward, grasping at the plug in the back of his head, like he's trying to tear something out of them. They're all empty. He's unattached. But he can stop clawing at them, trying to dislodge whatever's gotten in his head.

[liberaition]

That's not good. Not wearing her feedback filter, Kit has no choice but to ride out Gemini's surge of fear and pain. Now that she knows it's there, she doesn't need physical contact to interact with the chip, though it would be easier.

No, wait. It's okay, it's okay. It's just me, it's Kit. I'm a friend.

Taking a deep breath, Kit does her best to send him thoughts of things she usually finds soothing. Simple but elegant lines of code. Building little robots. A well executed hack. Being wrapped in a thick blanket. Running her hands over a smooth metal surface. Disassembling, cleaning, and reassembling machinery.

Shh. I can help you.

[nitrodamus]

They have more in common than one might expect.

Those soothing thoughts resonate with him, and it causes his panicked movements to slow. He backs up a little, cautiously looking up at her as he slowly unfolds. Voices that aren't hers scream inside of him too, but hers stands out like a beacon in the fog.

"Please don't vzzhxa," he slurs out loud, the last word blending into fully insectoid Alternian clicks. Inside his mind it plays out different.

Please don't change things, don't force me, please.

[liberaition]

Kit's eyes are closed, concentrating. She's never done anything like this before, never even met anyone with cybernetics anything like hers. She barely registers him speaking, mentally waving the distraction away.

I'm not going to do anything to you, I promise. But it looks like you're in trouble. Is there something I can do to help you?

Someone had done a number on this guy, that was certain.

[nitrodamus]

He stops trying to talk verbally, his face falling into an expression of sorrow. He crosses his arms around himself and looks away.

I...don't know. Nothing is happening. I'm just...going somewhere.

[liberaition]

Right. Honesty and reasonably straightforward communication are probably best here, right? Kit isn't even sure if it's possible to lie to someone via brain-computer.

I'm worried that if you stay out here, somebody will hurt you. Lots of humans don't like trolls very much.

With some difficulty, she focuses her eyes back on Gemini. Carefully, Kit reaches out and puts her hand on his shoulder, clumsily rubbing his upper arm with her cybernetic hand.

[nitrodamus]

He stares back at her, going tense as she says those words in his head. It's not that he hasn't noticed the amount of aggression he's gotten from some people on the street so far, but everything has just been glancing off of mind.

Why are there humans? Even his computer thoughts sound confused and out of order. I don't know how I got here.

[liberaition]

This kid's brain feels scrambled as hell. There's a part of Kit that wants to meet whoever did this to him, so she can look at their research and then melt all their servers.

You're on Earth. I don't know what you call it. The human planet? I'm sorry, I don't know how you got here either.

She braces herself for him to freak out again, fingers tightening just a bit on his arm.

[nitrodamus]

He doesn't freak out though, somehow. It's like his questions come from a foggy haze as opposed to genuine lack of knowledge. Like someone who has just woken up and hasn't remembered how they got where they are, even if there was a coherent explanation in the past.

I wanted to fuck off somewhere. It was dark out so I wanted to go.

Thoughts creep in on the edge of his consciousness. Thoughts of pain and sorrow, like something he is holding back and avoiding.

[liberaition]

She breathes a sigh of relief, and relaxes her grip as best her imprecise fine motor control will allow.

I don't think it's safe for you, out here. Is there someone you would like me to call for you?

It's worth a shot, anyway. She's not sure what else to do for him, besides get him back where he came from. Take him home, maybe, though he was pretty adamant about no going.

[nitrodamus]

His gaze wanders, his expression dimming with uncertainty. He wavers on his feet a little, staring at the ground.

I don't know how to find them.

[liberaition]

He looks like he's about to pass out, and Kit really doesn't want to have to run a search for "troll first aid."

That's okay. I'm very good at finding people. Do you know their names?

[nitrodamus]

He just keeps staring at the ground. His mind starts wandering.

I don't know.

Maybe he just doesn't want to.

[liberaition]

Um. Okay.

Would you like to go inside somewhere and clean up a little? I can get us into this hotel without anyone bothering you. There's food.

She really doesn't want to just let him keep wandering. It's only a matter of time before he gets arrested, or worse.

[nitrodamus]

He folds back his ears. He looks, and feels, increasingly nervous. He slowly starts pulling away but not fast enough to remove her hand.

If I go with you you won't let me leave.

[liberaition]

Kit quickly tries to send more soothing thoughts. Brushed aluminum and the smell of a soldering iron, the clack of a mechanical keyboard.

I can't make you do anything. You're free go whenever you like, even if I don't want you to.

[nitrodamus]

Yeah you could.

He withdraws a little, mentally and physically.

And no I can't.

He narrows his eyes, dark thoughts tickling his mind once again.

I know I can't.

[liberaition]

Damn.

I'm sorry.

Physical contact has never come especially naturally to Kit, but she's not really sure what else to do. Gently, she takes his hand in her organic one, squeezing lightly.

How do I find you again? I've never met anyone like--

Like me, she nearly thinks at him. But he's not, she'd know if he were a technopath. She'd be able to feel it. Still, this is the most natural conversation Kit has ever had with someone. No clunky forum or email UI between them, no layers of code, no unwieldy physical barriers, just connection.

--like you.

[nitrodamus]

He looks almost guilty for a moment, lowering his head. He doesn't pull his hand away, but it rests limply in hers.

I don't know.

Nothing occurs to him, and he's too scared to give her anymore clues. Even if he feels like he should trust her, he can't. Not right now, when his need to run is so strong.

I can't stay here.

Sorry.

[liberaition]

He's a mess, it's obvious even without the connection. Maybe... maybe if she follows him, tracks him through security cameras, she'll see where he ends up or who comes for him. Kit can feel his urgency, the panic coming through as a bitter electric tang she could almost taste.

I know. Please... be safe. Please try.

There's a rush of feedback from Kit as she closes the connection, pulling her network away from the chip. She squeezes Gemini's hand one last time, and steps back.

[nitrodamus]

He stares back at her, missing the connection as soon as it's gone. A few long moments pass, and it's almost like he hesitates - but then he breaks away and more hurriedly past her and away.

Without the connection there isn't much keeping him from following his instincts, either.