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Who: Karkat and Signless, and then Karkat and Sollux
Where: Somewhere out of the way.
When: Around now, probably
What: Karkat tries to go meet up with his fugitive pal and gets intercepted by another fugitive
Warnings: Signless being weird & Karkat being rude, probably

Karkat's looking forward to getting to see Sollux again; it's been a while, and he's definitely emotional enough about it en route that he can definitively say that Sollux is his best friend, for the purposes of this meeting. He kind of wishes it didn't require a long bus ride followed by a long walk, but he's sure as hell not about to cut corners on that – they can't exactly just hang out at the mall or something, lest the authorities (or worse) catch wind of Sollux's presence. Karkat's kind of still worried that might still happen out here – but at least, he thinks, looking around the good ol' Abandoned Warehouse Zone, the inevitable shitshow that'd ensue wouldn't get as many people caught in the crossfire.

He's about halfway through the long walk now, a little bored with it but reminding himself that it beats the even longer blindfolded car ride that he had to put up with back when Sollux was in CONDOR custody...

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"Those are different things," he says quietly. "Even if you don't want me to die, specifically...what good am I, here?"

His brow furrows. "I shouldn't have to tell you that someone has to be useful to be worth keeping alive."

Edited 2014-11-08 00:23 (UTC)

"Perhaps you shouldn't," Signless says quietly, staring at the sidewalk. "But you do."

Life used to feel like it had more essential merit than it does now.

"Yeah well you don't have to be useful," says Karkat, folding his arms. "I mean, I don't exactly like you, but it's kind of... good to know you're there, or whatever." The last part is kind of an embarrassed mumble.

It's hard to imagine anyone liking him, he thinks. It's hard enough thinking that anyone would want him to be alive. He looks lost, trying to think about this. Eventually, it feels like a small part of him snaps, within.

"Why?" he asks, desperation showing in his eyes. "...Why? I hurt you. I wanted you dead."

Karkat frowns and looks away. "Yeah, well, you don't now, and – and that wasn't your fault... and... well it's kind of like you're my 'dad' or whatever, right?" He looks uncomfortable, and adds quickly, "I think that human 'family' shit is dumb, but... if you'd actually been a jackass I wouldn't be alive, so, I guess I owe you or something."

Edited 2014-11-13 17:30 (UTC)

Signless stares at him, totally stricken by what his descendant is saying, whether that is reasonable or not. What the kid is saying is touching, and that is what makes it so hard for him to stand. The look of shock soon blends into one of grief.

"It is my fault," he says, with a sudden release of emotion that transcends his usual dazed melancholy. He covers his face with his hands, beginning to shake. "All...All of it was my fault."

His ears twitch, and his eyes widen a little, surprised by the sudden distress. "You – what? No, dude, it wasn't, they made you do it, right–?"

He shakes his head, and it's obvious that he's crying. The fingers of one of his hands weave into his own hair, clenching tightly as he tries to cover himself.

"I started all this. If...If I hadn't started this, none of them would have..." He chokes. "I didn't know what I was doing."

Karkat lifts a hand like he wants to reach out to him, or something, but despite everything this guy is still kind of a stranger. His face creases in consternation and confusion. "I – What are you talking about?"

His breath grows heavy and fast, the tears transitioning into sobs.

"On Alternia. Before... Before I died." He feels sick, thinking about this, and finds himself sinking down onto his knees. "So many of them died for this, without ever knowing who I really was. I wasn't what they needed. I never was."

Karkat swallows. He looks around anxiously. Then he crouches next to him, ears still swivelled back as if concerned that someone's going to get the drop on them or something. "Okay – that's bullshit, though, what you did saved loads of people for the last, like, thousand sweeps."

"At the cost of how many more?" he asks, finally lowering his hands, his eyes red and wet with tears.

Karkat's brow furrows in distress; he opens his mouth, and then closes it again. He shakes his head: he doesn't know.

"We lost so many, in the end," he says, the worlds difficult to find. "I tried to save them, but it was too late."

His arms are wrapped around his body tightly. He accepts Karkat's lack of certainty. He never expected answers.

He looks at the ground, and for a few moments he doesn't say anything – when he does, he doesn't look up.

"Okay, but... it's not like you killed them – it's not like they weren't going to die anyway, and then they would have died just... thinking that was how it was supposed to go. Maybe they would have been kind of nook chafed about it, like you know on some level that's too deep down to be getting flagellated daily by the societal injustice propaganda horsewhip that just getting fucked over constantly and then being murdered for no reason isn't fair, but you still think it's okay – and if you don't think it's okay you think that you just have to fucking lie down and take it."

He takes in a shaky breath, glances up at Signless a second, and then looks away again. "I mean what I'm saying is I'd rather die trying to fix shit than die thinking I deserve to die, and I'm pretty sure all the people who heard what you said felt the same way."

Edited 2014-11-18 06:55 (UTC)

His gaze lingers on Karkat heavily, his cheeks stained with red. The words seem to sink in slowly, and there is a silence after Karkat finishes speaking before Signless can truly react.

He sobs and falls forward, embracing his descended with unconcealed desperation. He clings to him like life itself while his entire frame trembles.

He flinches at first, like he's being attacked – then, when it's clear that he isn't, he goes very still, his ears folding back in confusion and alarm. What's he supposed to do with this? What does this mean? He genuinely can't tell if he said the wrong thing or the right thing. Extremely cautiously, and extremely awkwardly, he brings one hand up to pat at his ancestor's shoulder. His eyes are still extremely round. "Are... are you okay, I, uh..."

Edited 2014-11-18 07:14 (UTC)

"I'm sorry that I'm like this," he says, with a small amount of relief. "I don't know how this happened. I didn't want this."

"Fuck," Karkat breathes, but he can hear that relief, and although in its way that's sort of more terrifying, it also means there's some kind of progress here, even if what's apparently prompting that relief is... clinging to him and weeping. Fuck!

He lets his hand settle at the older troll's back, taking another nervous glance up and down the thankfully empty street. "It's okay," he says, almost on a reflex – and then, because he knows it isn't, actually, okay, "It – it's not your fault."

"Thank you," he says in softer tones, his grasp becoming gentler. So many things in his mind suddenly feel like they've become more clear. He doesn't understand, but he feels that Karkat must be related.

It's Karkat's turn to be relieved, significantly so, that he's actually gotten a 'thank you' instead of more insisting that everything's awful and they all need to die. He hazards another wary pat on the back, and exhales heavily.

"I, uh..." He swallows. "When I first found out about all this shit I was mad at you," he says. "For making sure I didn't die? Because I thought I was never going to be a real person and it would have been better if I died before I pupated and finding out it was actually someone's fault I was alive in the first place..." He trails off, realising he's getting kind of off track. "But I then actually read your shit a few times and... look, I... thank you."

All of that is so far away from where Signless is now - that positivity and purpose is a relic from a different time. But something in his memories has finally stirred, and maybe this time it feels like something that actually pertains to him, instead of a tale of someone else who had long since died.

He pulls away from Karkat slowly, his heart pulsing in his ears. He's done nothing but try to convince Karkat that it isn't worth it, since he came here. When they first met, he had been the one to tell him that he was better off dead. The contrast is staggering.

"I won't stop you," he says softly. "If to follow those words is still what you want."

Karkat stares at him, and blinks his round eyes – and then he nods, and swallows, and says, "Yeah, it is," and for the first time he thinks he's honestly sure that he means it.

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