as long as you're mine

[thanksoptimus]

Who: Orion Pax and Arcee
Where: Ratchet's ship because it sucks less than the Rod Pod.
When: WHEN THE MUSIC HAPPENS.
What: Orion and Arcee try to dicuss their possibly doomed romance and end up serenading each other instead.
Warnings: It...yeah.

Orion hasn't exactly been forthcoming with his thoughts since the moment they had, but he hasn't been avoiding Arcee by any stretch of the imagination either. In fact, he's been coming around to check on her quite frequently, even if not much happens besides him asking her how she is progressing and maybe offering a shy smile before coming up with something he needs to go do.

He's happy, he thinks, but he isn't sure. If he forget for a moment that everything may be ending for him sometime soon, he can even think of it in terms of being one of the few good things that has happened to him here. Something that gives him hope beyond the pain that Megatron has caused him.

This time, he's doing what he usually does, which is slipping in at some point in the day to say hello. There's nothing expected happening...yet, anyway.

"Good to see you...Commander Arcee," he starts out, immediately questioning his own words.

Comments

[deadpartners]

There hasn't really been room for talking about it, not with Ratchet's arrival and everyone recovering in the aftermath of the big fight. And granted, Ratchet's arrival has given Arcee a few more things to think about than she's really comfortable with. She hasn't really been totally ready to confront all of her own feelings on the matter, and the problem with Ratchet is that he wasn't really wrong. She knows the truth of what he'd said a little too well.

She's up out of the berth by now, at least -- she knows Ratchet would rather she stay down for a while longer but she's too antsy, spent too much time doing nothing but recovery. She's looking through datapads, pacing haltingly across the room as she studies the one in her hands, but she looks up when Orion enters, smiling slightly.

Commander. Right. Either he's trying to respect the chain of command or he doesn't know where things stand or...both, honestly, and Arcee can't blame him. She smiles anyway, stopping to lean back against the edge of the berth. "Good to see you too, Orion." She pauses, a little lick of uncertainty. They've seen each other since, but only briefly, never for long, and she's always been laid up. "How're you holding up?"

[thanksoptimus]

Falling back on the crutch of formality is an easy route to take, even if Orion isn't actually intending to shut her out in any way. He comes forward, obviously nervous, but trying his best to present himself in an open and kind manner. He definitely doesn't want her to think that he's going to push her to arms length now that this has happened.

He's just not used to this, and is really and truly uncertain of himself. For all his feelings, nothing like this had happened with Megatron. It's a strange feeling.

"I am feeling much better," he says. "I had almost forgotten what it felt like to have a functional frame before Ratchet arrived. I am very happy to have him here."

And he's really happy to have gotten so close to her, he thinks, but doesn't say it because what if it's too much?

[deadpartners]

"We're all lucky Ratchet's here," Arcee says, and she means it -- even if she's still feeling a little raw from the her conversation with him. "I'd be way out of commission if it weren't for him."

He seems tentative, hesitant, but she doesn't get the sense he's being distant. She doesn't think he'd have come here if that was his intention, anyway. She sets the datapad down and pulls away from the edge of the berth, her optics lighting softly in curious concern. "I'm glad to hear you're doing better," she says, half-smiling, and she means it. Things've been rough for Orion here, in more ways than one. "I'm sure having an old friend like Ratchet around is...that has to be a big comfort, having a familiar face around."

[thanksoptimus]

He inclines his head in a small nod, managing to relax his stance just a little bit. His expression becomes briefly nostalgic.

"It is...he is different, I think, but...so am I. He has made it very clear that the important things have no changed, however." Ratchet was even more forceful in personality now than he had been before. It was no mystery why.

"I have started to feel more comfortable among the Autobots." He hesitates. "Even those of you I only just met." Another pause "You have likely noticed." Spoiler, he is awkward.

Haha how do you make jokes.

[deadpartners]

It's impossible not to be just a little bit charmed by Orion's awkwardness, and Arcee smiles helplessly, her optics brightening. "Yeah, I've noticed," she says, her voice warmed, and she steps in a little closer, her head tilted back to look up at him. "It's good to see you getting more comfortable here. I mean, we all want you here, but -- mostly, we just want you to want to be here."

She realizes she's automatically talking away from the matter at hand, taking steps to avoid it, and that's...not what she wants to do. It's easy to shy away from it, but -- regardless of what Ratchet had said, of her own conflicted feelings, she doesn't want to put any distance between them, either. "I'm glad you're here, Orion. If you want to talk..."

[thanksoptimus]

He puts one of his hands to the back of his helm, trying to think of what to say. He has no practical experience for this.

"I am uncertain of appropriate conduct," he says tentatively.

[deadpartners]

Arcee vents out a quiet laugh at that, just briefly, if only because she's sort of at a loss herself. This is difficult, strangely so, but somehow Arcee finds his cluelessness comforting.

"It's kind of murky territory," she admits, spreading a hand helplessly. "And I have a feeling Ultra Magnus isn't the authority consult on this." Never let it be said that Orion is the only Autobot who doesn't know how to make a tactful joke. "But what really matters is whether or not you're comfortable with...what happened."

[thanksoptimus]

"I am fine with it," he says, and notes that that was probably too removed sounding to come off right. He frowns, and tries again. "I mean that I am comfortable and...I do not regret what happened. I only regret..."

He trails off, uncertain if he wants to talk about it right now.

"Circumstances."

[deadpartners]

Arcee relaxes a little, but she's still not sure how relieved she is. In a way, it might have been easier for her if he'd ended things there -- clean and simple, just like that. But she's not sure that's what she wants, either. Orion's presence warms her spark in a way she's not really prepared to let go of just yet.

"The circumstances...aren't ideal, I know." Arcee's optics dim slightly, but she reaches out to lay her hand over Orion's, stepping in closer. "I don't know what's going to happen any more than you do. But if you don't regret what happened, then...neither do I." She means that, too. She doesn't regret it. If she's totally honest with herself, she doesn't have high hopes that it'll survive his becoming Optimus again. But that doesn't mean it isn't worthwhile. If it makes Orion happy now...

[thanksoptimus]

He smiles faintly, but it doesn't last long. His spark is tight in his chest. He's not the sort of person to think only in the moment. If he's happy now, that only means that it will hurt even more if this does slip away. If this will be the end of him.

"I...am glad for that, Arcee," he says, but he doesn't look very glad.

[deadpartners]

Arcee can see he's still preoccupied with what's yet to come, with what might happen. She doesn't know if it'll hurt for Optimus, if losing this would cause him pain or if it would simply be gone. It's hard to say. She's known Optimus for thousands of years, but there had always been something impenetrable about him in that regard.

She feels something she can't quite articulate swell in her spark as she takes his hand in both of hers. She knows the uncertain future is weighing heavily on him -- not just with this, but the doubt and fear over how much of himself he'll lose when he takes the Matrix. There's nothing Arcee can do about that, nothing she can say to make it easier. But she has him now, at least. Maybe that'll be enough -- just for now.

In the seconds before Arcee opens her mouth to speak, she becomes vaguely aware that she can hear music somewhere, but what takes her attention is the fact that when she speaks, they're not exactly the words she'd intended to speak -- they're more candid, more honest than Arcee had really counted on being. That, and the fact that she's singing.

"Kiss me too fiercely, hold me too tight," Arcee sings, a startled expression taking hold of her face even as she feels something warm flood her spark, her fingers curling a little more tightly around Orion's. "I need help believing you're with me tonight..."

What the frag? Arcee is alarmed, but at the same time, she can't seem to stop singing -- it's like someone's opened up her spark and translated her feelings into music. Weirdly catchy, entrancing music at that.

"My wildest dreamings could not foresee
Me here beside you with you wanting me."

[thanksoptimus]

Orion is taking more than a little of guard by Arcee suddenly saying these things - especially since they are apparently being sung along to music. Music that is coming...from nowhere in particular. More than that, he is confused by his seeming inability to reply to it with anything other than a few tentative notes of his own.

His hands only hold hers back more tightly, with no sense of inhibition. His voice is low and soft, like something completely unused to this kind of activity but with the potential to be a deadly baritone.

"If just for this moment...you can be mine," he sings back. "I'll give up resistance, and cross this borderline."

He swallows tensely, something in his eyes sad but bewilderingly genuine considering how inwardly alarmed he is at the singing.

"And if it turns out it's over too fast..."

He trails off for just a moment.

[deadpartners]

Arcee is no doubt gripped by the stark weirdness of the situation -- but at the same time, it's hard to fixate on that, something tugging her attention more to the matter at hand. These aren't the words she'd meant to say, but none of what she's singing is wrong, either, just -- intimately honest. Stranger still, she's not finding herself as reluctant to say these things to Orion, either. There's something...weirdly cathartic about all of this, as Arcee joins Orion, their voices mingling harmonically.

"I'll make every moment last," Arcee promises, her optics soft and bright as she meets his gaze, "as long as you're mine."

A SHORT WHILE LATER, OUTSIDE

[thanksoptimus]

Orion basically just ends up standing in the middle of the camp not doing anything, because he didn't actually have a follow up to the whole leaving the medbay plan, and he actually has no tasks that need doing. He's staring at the ground, mostly, looking mildly horrified.

Maybe he should go read an instruction manual or something.

[asafepairofhands]

Ratchet comes up behind him, making sure to make noise so Orion hears him coming and hoping he doesn't bolt.

He comes up short next to Orion's elbow, tilting his helm up, his chin lifting a little in greeting.

"Urgent business, huh?"

[thanksoptimus]

He hears someone coming, and immediately looks to see who it is - and it's Ratchet, which means he doesn't bother immediately trying to look busy. Instead he just stands there and waits for his friend to arrive, looking sort of sheepish about the fact that he's obviously not actually attending to anything.

"I seem to have forgotten what I intended to accomplish," he says. He did not actually ever have a plan, but whatever.

[asafepairofhands]

Ratchet makes a soft chuffing sound, almost a laugh.

"After you scrambled out of the medibay like that, I'm not surprised," he says, watching Orion curiously. "...you all right?"

[thanksoptimus]

It wasn't scrambling was it? By the Allspark, it was.

He puts a hand to his helm and shakes his head a little, offering a small smile.

"I...I am fine," he says, and there is the worry that he will stop there, but Ratchet gets special privileges and he's trying not to be weird about this. "I had already spoken to her in terms of...being willing to pursue what was between us. But the reality of it being put so starkly...has put me at ill ease."

[asafepairofhands]

Ratchet bites his tongue carefully, discards the first three responses that spring to mind, and counts to five before responding. Orion also gets special privileges.

"Why's that?" he finally says. "I'd think that clarity would make you less nervous, not more."

[thanksoptimus]

He raises one of his hands, looking at it dismally. He's long since gotten used to being abruptly in a different frame, but sometimes it is still a bit surreal.

"Because I suppose it makes it seem more important. More real," he says, softly. "And I know that I will not be like this for long."

[asafepairofhands]

"No, you won't."

Ratchet reaches up and wraps his much smaller fingers around Orion's palm, squeezing very gently.

"But even when you're Optimus, you're still... you. That's why I've stuck around for so long. You don't change that much, Orion."

[thanksoptimus]

He closes his fingers around Ratchet's, frowning thoughtfully. After a few moments, he looks to him, his optics melancholy.

"She did not come to care for Optimus Prime in this way," he says.

[asafepairofhands]

"She cares about Optimus Prime a lot," Ratchet says, sounding thoughtful. "But I think for a lot of people, you can be... difficult to approach. I've never understood it." His mouth tilts up at one corner. "But the kind of person you are--what makes people care about you--that doesn't change."

[thanksoptimus]

Ratchet being particularly adept at interacting with him is the reason why they were already such fast friends, he knows that much. Orion never felt that he was exactly antisocial, but he was quiet and reserved, and so he had historically come across that way, even if he was dissatisfied with that. His closest friends had been the ones that were capable of drawing him out.

But the things separating Optimus Prime for others seemed to run deeper than that - and though it hates to admit it, it is not difficult for Orion to put together why, knowing himself as well as he does.

"I think of the bot I am to become, and it...challenges me," he says, after a moment. "I have frequently wondered how I could come to be one that has done so much...but more than that..."

He feels guilty, saying this, even if this acknowledgement would never change his ultimate choice.

"I pity him for the things he has lost. I can see that potential within myself, and it brings me great sorrow. It even...frightens me, in a way."

[asafepairofhands]

"It's a lot of responsibility, none of which you asked for," Ratchet begins, but he seems to almost run out of steam after a moment, the words trailing off. He suddenly can't meet Orion's optics, and while his fingers stay curled against Orion's, something seems to drain from him slowly, his shoulders slumping and his head bowed, deflated and drained and exhausted. He looks old.

"It killed me a little," he finally admits. "I didn't doubt for a second that you'd--that you could do it. Any of it. But watching you learn to fight. Watching you kill for the first time. Watching you lock parts of yourself away for the sake of duty, it--it was hard for me just seeing you and knowing how hard it must have been for you. It was necessary, or some of it was--we all lost things, had responsibilities thrust on us that we weren't necessarily ready for. But it was hard."

Ratchet looks up at Orion again after a moment, the lines around his mouth deepening but his optics clear.

"That's why I meant it, when I told you that we wouldn't force you to take the Matrix back. I still mean it. You have a choice, this time--you're the best Prime we could have ever hoped for, but it's brought you a lot of grief, and you have every right to refuse. But even if you don't, you--" He stops, struggling for a moment, his fingers tightening on Orion's palm. "You deserve things for yourself, too. It's impossible to tell you that when you're Optimus, though goodness knows I've tried. But being Optimus doesn't mean you have to give up all of those things all over again, either."