Entry tags:
[closed]
Who: Signless and the Disciple
Where: Disciple's house.
When: April 7th ish.
What: Signless shows up at Disciple's house.
Warnings: Some injuries and some suicidal ideation.
He leaves a speckled blood trail when he enters, his wounds still seeping blood through his body suit. The gaps in the bio material haven't yet had the chance to heal, and neither has his body. It doesn't seem urgent, and so he ignores it, the idea that he's bleeding only a passing thought as he searches the house for the Disciple. He can't feel her anywhere.
She must be gone.
It doesn't matter, he thinks. He came and that's all he needs to do, isn't it? This was his destination, and now that he's here...well, he doesn't have any more planned. This is as far as he's gotten.
He eventually curls up on the couch, trying to rest away the exhaustion of electrical injuries. If she shows up, she does. If not...it doesn't really matter. It doesn't.
Its chill without his cloak, having discarded it in the fight, but by the time she returns he's asleep.
Where: Disciple's house.
When: April 7th ish.
What: Signless shows up at Disciple's house.
Warnings: Some injuries and some suicidal ideation.
He leaves a speckled blood trail when he enters, his wounds still seeping blood through his body suit. The gaps in the bio material haven't yet had the chance to heal, and neither has his body. It doesn't seem urgent, and so he ignores it, the idea that he's bleeding only a passing thought as he searches the house for the Disciple. He can't feel her anywhere.
She must be gone.
It doesn't matter, he thinks. He came and that's all he needs to do, isn't it? This was his destination, and now that he's here...well, he doesn't have any more planned. This is as far as he's gotten.
He eventually curls up on the couch, trying to rest away the exhaustion of electrical injuries. If she shows up, she does. If not...it doesn't really matter. It doesn't.
Its chill without his cloak, having discarded it in the fight, but by the time she returns he's asleep.
cw: some suicidal ideation
He hears her talking, his ear flicking back to listen as he words become more pained. His own breath quickens, as if in panic, but the sensation doesn't quiet reach his head. He doesn't care about the wounds, really. Some part of him just wants to hurt badly enough that he can die again.
He crawls across the floor so he's no longer in front of the door. He stares at the blank plain of wood for some time before he finally flicks the lock open with a small psionic trick.
He averts his eyes immediately. He's pushes his suit down to his waist, and he's been crying, even if his expression has once again become hazy.
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It's hard to see him like that, but she doesn't avert her eyes, and as promised she doesn't say a single word. Merely makes her way over to him and sits by his side. She opens the first aid kit, taking out everything that she needs. Gingerly she reaches out for his hand to take care of the cuts there first.
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She uses the sink and some towelettes to help with the clean, wiping up the small traces of blood. When done she carefully wraps them up in a bandage. With the minor wounds completed she picks up the glass of water and holds it out to Signless, hoping he'll take a drink before she tends to the more serious injuries.
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He doesn't take the glass, like he's too distracted to even consider it. There's a pronounced emptiness in his thoughts, with her this close. Some kind of balance he's achieved where he doesn't feel the need to fight her.
There are still wounds on his shoulder, and side. The shoulder is a long abrasion, as if from hitting concrete at speed, that spreads down his back. The side looks like a seeping electrical burn.
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She leans over and wordlessly hugs him, wrapping her arms tightly around him. How she wishes she knew what she could do, how she wishes there was something that could wash away the pain and anguish in his eyes, to give him the direction he needs.
She loves him so. She loves him so damn much. It hasn't lessened in the slightest over these years, and it hasn't lessened in the slightest despite what he has said and done.
And it's killing her by inches to see him like this, but Disciple will do what she does best: listen, and stay by his side.
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But he doesn't. Instead he lets himself rest against her body, his skin strangely hot to the touch, as it always has been.
When her skin comes in contract with his blood, though, it comes with an empathic snap of his own emotions. A still image of the conflict in his head, and of his feelings of being trapped. It's not as clear of a reading as he could take from someone else, but it's more than one would have expected.
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But she does, holding onto him all the while, partly to comfort him, partly to comfort herself, and partly in hopes of maybe receiving more information.
When she finally pulls back it's with more understanding in her eyes, and acknowledgment that she hadn't been taking Signless' words literally enough. She holds his gaze for a moment before dropping to the gash on his shoulder. It's a nasty wound, but she has seen and tended to much worse and begins to do just that, unflinchingly.
"When I said you could stay here," she begins, voice quiet as a mouse, "I meant it. If you wa--if you. Can. I'd..." She shakes her head uncertain of how to phrase her words.
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He grits his fangs. He doesn't feel like killing her, he keeps thinking. It's not important. Who cares about what she's doing now? It won't make a difference.
"I'm not staying anywhere," he says, his words slurred and unfocused. "Not until I've ended this...ended it."
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"You're stronger than you think." She murmured. Di thought straighter when she wasn't around him. On both of their previous meetings, it was always afterwards, with a clear head that she could think back on what had happened and what had been said to try and understand. Right now there were still things she was confused about, things that her frantic and emotional state made hard to see, but she did understand that Signless was fighting against something powerful.
"So if you ever change your mind..." She wrapped up his shoulder and moved to the last wound. "But. You should still remainuntil your injuries are better, at least." She almost timidly suggested.
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"I won't hide from them for long," he says. "I'm...not afraid of it. I've earned punishment."
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When done patching him up she takes the wet towel and cleans the rest of him up, wiping the cool cloth down his chest, arms and then to his face. What exactly had he done to get hurt like this? It was a question that had burned in the back of her head, but she had promised there would be no more questions.
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He looks at her, his expression more hardened than it has been in his encounter thus far.
"If I don't see you again," he says, "then nothing will have to happen."
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She moves her own hands to try and lace her fingers with his.
"I don't want to leave you, Signless. I don't want you to ever have to face something alone, again."
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If she stays with him, she'll die, and if she leaves him she'll be gone. Either way, she won't be there.
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"I'm so sorry."
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"I've always been alone," he growls quietly. "That hasn't changed."
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"Alone? What about Psionic? What about your mother?" And them? What did that mean about what they had had?
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"Nothing that you're looking for is still there," he says faintly.
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"I'm sorry that I made you feel alone before." Di really hoped that that wasn't actually the case, that it was just his confusion speaking. Yet she would take his word, for if there was even an inkling of truth than she wanted make amends for that.
"But you don't have to be alone anymore. I'm here, Signless." She stepped closer and gingerly steadies his chin so she can look him in the eyes. "I'm here, and I want to be with you no matter what, and I want to help you figure out what you need."
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It's not clear if it's a rejection. The motion is more gentle than he has been in the past. He looks away like nothing he's seeing right now is real and slowly departs back to the living room. From his pace, it seems less like he's trying to escape and more like something has distracted his attention.
He stares out the window he came in through, his ears flicking upwards in attention. Part of him wants to try to tell her what is worrying him now, but he knows that it will just cause unecessary trouble.
"I'm probably not going to come back," he says, finally. This time, not necessarily of his own choice.
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Her brow furrows as his words sink in.
"What's wrong?"
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"I went against orders, before," he says. "To spite her, I guess."
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