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Who: Milly & Eusine
Where: Their apartment building
When: Shortly after the crystals hatch
What: One of Milly's crystal pets gets loose and she meets her BRAND-NEW NEIGHBOR
Warnings: N/A

Milly's seen chatter about the crystals hatching on The Watch, but the whole thing still sort of gives her the willies. It's not that they're really that scary or gross or anything -- she's just -- bad with animals. Even ones that are cute and fluttery. Even ones that are technically made out of shiny rock.

The fact that one of them has a stinger, and another seems awfully fond of biting, doesn't really help. As far as Milly can tell, everyone's crystals are different, and so are all three of hers. She can't help but wonder about what the ones her dad had taken must look like now. All three of Milly's are -- cute, more or less, each of them sporting a set of wings that vary from butterfly wings to fairy-looking wings, and one of them, the only one that doesn't seem to be interested in attacking anything, even has the impression of looking sort of fuzzy. But the two feistier ones are harder to tame, and the one with the gnashing teeth has decided to overthrow its laundry basket prison and escape out into the hallway.

"Hey -- wait!" Milly's frantic voice rings through the hall as she slams her door shut behind her, chasing after the crystal hatchling as it half-scampers, half-flutters through the hallway. Its fairy-like wings beat a rapid staccato rhythm as it lifts itself into the air once more, shooting down the hallway. Milly gets within reach of it, thinking she's about to close her hand around it, when it suddenly pivots in midair and snaps its sharp teeth at her. Milly draws back in a flash, and it only catches her sleeve, but it leaves a nasty tear.

"Urgh! Get back here, you -- you stupid pest!!"

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Eusine rarely spends much time in hallways. He has nothing against them, really. It just happens that being the extremely busy man that he is, he considers them to be little more than a mean to go from point A (his apartment) to point B (ADVENTURE).

(Though the fact he often jumps off the roof instead is a pretty big reason. Have you ever seen a superhero walk down the stairs? I think not.)

Alas, there are times when you simply can't avoid taking the stairs like a normal person, and this is one such time. Even superheroes need food; since Eusine sadly doesn't possess the ability to survive on nothing but fresh air and his own inflated sense of ego, it means he sometimes has to go out to buy groceries. Which is why he's now making his way back up the building, a bag in each hand, in what is for him a shocking display of normalcy.

That is, until something hard and crystalline flies smack dab into his face, causing him to drop everything with a high-pitched shriek and fall ass first on the ground.

It's bad enough that these things got loose -- by now it's attacking her neighbors?! Milly doesn't want anyone to know she even has these things -- it's not like she stole them, but still, she doesn't even know what they do -- and she's a little bit flustered when she runs over to Eusine, trying to snatch the creature out of the air.

"Oh my gosh -- I am so sorry! Are you okay?! Ugh, this -- this stupid thing! Did it bite you?"

It fortunately doesn't take him long to get back on his feet. It's a bit embarrassing, really. Getting back home in a completely unglamorous way, before getting attacked and making a fool of himself? All in front of what he can now see is a really pretty young lady?
Unacceptable. Time for a saving throw, Eusine!

"I'm fine, I'm fine." He gives her an encouraging smile, although the way he was scrunching up his nose seconds before makes it pretty obvious he'll rush for an ice pack later. "Why, it's hardly the first time something hits me in the face! Although I must admit, none of my previous assailants were quite as lovely."

So smooth. The effect is only somewhat ruined (or enhanced, depending on who you ask) by the fact he speaks with a distinct accent that may or may not sound a bit too French to be completely real.

His eyes dart up to the thing that actually hit him, smile quickly replaced with complete and utter puzzlement. There's something... slightly disturbing about the strange crystal creature fluttering right out of reach, but he can't quite put his finger on it.

"What is this thing?!"

This guy kind of...gives off the vibe of trying too hard, but Milly's feeling too apologetic about her stupid crystal pet to be too bothered by it so far. She gives him a helpless look, swatting absently at the critter as it tries to bite her again. It doesn't hurt -- not really -- not enough to catch her attention, anyway.

"I don't know!" she admits, exasperated. "They were these -- umm -- well, don't tell anyone, but I found them in the sinkhole at the museum. But they were just crystals then! I thought they were pretty, so I took some home...and then they hatched!"

A crystalline life form, gorgeous but aggressive. It's the first time Eusine hears of such a thing, and he (justifiably, for once) prides himself on his extensive knowledge of magical beasts.
This is when it hits him that he can't even tell if the creature is magical. The realization makes his brow furrow. He's not used to uncertainty when it comes to his powers; either things are magical, or they aren't. For his arcane senses to flail about like a compass needle in a magnetic field... It's completely unheard of, but it does pique his curiosity.

"Don't worry, your secret is safe with me." he proclaims, and for all his bravado he does sound sincere. "I doubt it will remain a secret for long if we let this thing roam about, though. What do you say we join efforts in capturing it?"

The question is more of a formality, really. He's already made up his mind. He's going to tame this creature.

"Oh! Yeah, that'd be great -- if you don't mind..." Milly eyes the fallen groceries dubiously, then glances back at Eusine. He seems...awfully gung ho. Nice, but a little enthusiastic about helping her catch some stupid crystal pest. "I'm really sorry about your groceries. I didn't mean to let this thing escape. But if you can help me catch it, I'd definitely appreciate it!"

He glances at the groceries as well, before making a dismissive gesture with his hand.

"That? Oh, it's no big deal." They'd kind of slipped his mind, actually. Food? Who cares about food when there are mysterious creatures to catch and lovely neighbours to impress? Really, it's like the universe has no sense of priorities. "Of course, if you feel so bad about it... Perhaps you might consider helping me pick them back up when all is said and done?"

Look at that cocky grin. It's pretty obvious someone thinks he's being as smooth as a baby's buttocks.

"But for now...!" He removes his coat (today's flavour is emerald green and expensive-looking) and eyes the creature critically. The way he holds it makes it pretty obvious he's planning on using it as some sort of net, but it would probably be much easier if the stupid thing would stop fluttering all over the place. Or if he didn't risk stepping on a tomato. Now that would be messy.

Milly is quickly realizing that this guy is a grade A ham. She gives him an uncertain, skeptical look, eyeing the coat. It looks...really nice, actually. Where in this building does this guy live? She swears she's never seen him before.

"Are you sure that's going to work? It's pretty fast -- ah, watch out!!"

The crystal critter, obviously no longer satisfied with merely buzzing around, suddenly launches itself at Eusine, snapping its little teeth.

"A simple matter of getting it to fly where we want it to! If I go around- WOAH!"

He dives to the ground, barely avoiding the creature's tiny maw but falling face first onto one of the tomatoes he so dreaded stepping on. The universe has a weird sense of humour.

He tries to get back up (for what already seems like the 92716th time today)... but the crystal pet makes a dive for it again, and he's forced to resume his position of lying flat on the ground with his head resting on a squashed fruit.

"What's your problem?!" he huffs, shaking his fist at the creature. So much for wanting to look suave.

Oh my god this is the opposite of helpful.

"I don't think this is going to work," Milly says, exasperated. Eusine is just too slow! But then the little critter starts moving again... Thinking fast, she grabs Eusine's coat and throws it over the crystal creature. She thinks she has it for a moment, clutching it to her chest, but the winged thing wriggles out through a sleeve, zooming right...for Eusine's buttocks. And its teeth are bared.

Under normal circumstances, Eusine might be lamenting over how tragic it is, that he has such a fine derrière. Everyone wants a piece of it!

As it is, he is rather too busy trying to outperform his previous unmanly shriek, the creature having bit right through his pants and into fleshier bits. It doesn't immediately take off, either; it seems pretty fine with holding onto mount rump for now, maybe instinctively knowing that being a chew toy is part of the man's description.

This is when Eusine has a stroke of mad genius.

He rolls over.

"Hah!!!" He might be a lightweight but being pinned under him is sure to slow that blasted thing down, at the very least. Despite the pain, he can't help but sneer in triumph. Another victory for Eusine the magnificent!

Oh my god. Did he just trap that creature with his butt? He definitely trapped that creature with his butt. Well, that's...one way to do it.

Milly stares in uncertain shock, not really sure how to react. She's...glad? Sort of? That didn't exactly look comfortable. And the current state of affairs begs another, more pressing question.

"Um...so what now?"

Eusine reaches under his posterior a bit gingerly, fingers probing the creature. Yep, still firmly attached.

"I think tying it up would be a good start," he says, sounding relatively casual despite having an unknown life form's teeth planted into his butt. "At least until we can put it in a cage!"

He could wait for Milly to go grab something to restrain the crystal pet with, of course, but where's the fun in that? Instead, he smiles confidently and rolls up his sleeves (which would probably look marginally less stupid if he weren't lying on the ground in an uncomfortable position), before quickly clasping his seemingly empty hands together and pulling on something-

And out comes an obscene amount of thin white rope.

Milly's eyes go a little wide with surprise. Whoa, where did that come from? Does he have some kind of superpower? Wait, no...that'd be kind of a weird power to have. Looks more like sleight of hand, which...considering the flamboyant getup...

"Whoa, hey! Wait a minute, are you a magician or something?"

"I am a master of magic, the undisputed king of illusions!" he declares, arms flamboyantly waving around. "But you may call me... Eusine."

That could definitely have been a lot smoother if he weren't still lying on the ground. Someone apparently hasn't gotten the memo that there are some situations in which you simply can't look cool.

He takes a break from his fruity rambling to look Milly in the eye, hands tugging on a section of the rope he just made appear. It's obvious he's trying really hard to ignore the thing still gnawing at his butt, but his smile is starting to look a little strained.

"For this next trick, I'm going to need an assistant."

Oh my god, he's a stage magician.

Milly's really not sure what to make of it at first -- she stares at him with a mix of incredulity, skepticism, and not-sure-if-she-should-be-flattered. Eusine is a stage magician, and he just captured a crystal critter with his butt.

This is turning into a really weird day.

"Uh...me? Oh! You mean me!" Milly looks uncertainly at him, wondering how that creature is still alive and kicking. Apparently they aren't very easily squashed to death. "What do you need me to do?"

Weird day? Please, this doesn't even register on Eusine's Top Ten Weirdest Days list.

He takes a few seconds to weight his options. At this point, it's really a matter of who has the strongest grip... and it's not that Milly looks frail, but he feels he's better equipped to deal with the delicate task of restraining the creature while it's getting tied up. After all, he is a superhero! And that makes him roughly 90% pure muscle. [citation needed]

Of course, this plan hinges on one small detail.

"Tell me, how good are you at making knots?"

Yes, Eusine, you are totally stronger than Milly. That is totally a thing. Yep.

Not that Milly's about to advertise that, though. She gives him a baffled stare, still completely unsure of what to make of this guy who is apparently her neighbor. This guy who...goes around catching vicious critters with his butt. Well.

"I'm...all right, I guess. I can tie them pretty tight, at least..."

It's simple logic, really. He is the handsome superhero, and Milly is the cute neighbour. Of course he's the one with the greatest amount of strength. Of course.

He claps his hands in delight, apparently way more confident in Milly's ability to tie knots than Milly herself.

"Excellent!" he says as he extends an arm towards her, the rope dangling rather theatrically from his fingers. "Here, take this. I'll remove the creature from under myself- This is when you swoop in, and tie it up before it can escape again!"

It's a pretty lame "trick", all things considered, but it's an efficient one. And hey, at least Milly won't have to take care of the "putting your hands under someone's butt" part.

Well thank god for that. Milly wants to help the guy, but she's definitely not interested in touching his butt. She takes the rope, still looking a little skeptical, but now she's a little nervous, too, like she's worried about messing this up. Because if she does, and this thing gets away... Well, she doesn't want to think too hard about that.

"Um...okay! All right, I'll do my best. Let's wrangle this thing already!"

Eusine is completely oblivious to Milly's nervousness. She might be someone he just met, but he's confident she can't possibly mess things up; after all, he fancies himself a great judge of character, and she definitely seems reliable.

Also, she's cute. There's that.

"All right! On the count of three." He slips his hand under his posterior, grasping at the creature's crystal body before taking a deep breath. "One... Two... Three!"

He gives a sharp tug, dislodging the creature with yet another unmanly yelp. Of course, the blasted thing immediately starts trashing in his hand and trying to sink its tiny teeth into his slim fingers, because what Eusine is holding is a literal handful of vicious crystal hatred. Or maybe not, but it's still pretty nasty. Good thing he has a strong grip.

"Oh god -- ack!"

Moving as quickly as she can, Milly ties the crystal critter up with the rope -- her knot isn't exactly elegant, but at least she's got a much better grip on it than Eusine did, wrangling it down the floor. "Phew! It looks like we got it...uh..." The creature is still struggling viciously, hissing at Eusine, but it looks...eager somehow. Milly holds it down with both hands (although she could probably use just one) and looks back over at Eusine. "Are you all right? It looked like it got you pretty good..."

His answer to Milly is a reassuring (he hopes) thumb up. He gets up again, dusting himself off with one hand while prodding his behind with the other; he winces when he reaches the spot where the creature bit him, not so much from pain but from the fact the torn fabric and sticky wetness can only mean his pants are ruined. Well, at least it should make for an interesting scar. He'll have to come up with a more epic story for it than "captured some small crystal pest" though.

Speaking of which... Now that it's mostly secure in his neighbour's hands, he brings his face closer to the creature, watching it intently. Despite everything, he doesn't even look annoyed for more than a couple of seconds before curiosity takes over - that thing is certainly unlike anything he's seen before, and his head is swimming with questions.

Considering the beast's previous behaviour, however, there is one he absolutely must ask.

"Tell me... Have you tried feeding it?"

"Of course I've been feeding it!" Milly says indignantly, clutching it to her chest. The creature lets out a thin squeal, writhing in her grasp. Its fairy-like wings are fluttering uselessly against her -- obviously she's got a good grip on it -- and it keeps gnashing its teeth in Eusine's direction, not bothering to try to bite her. "I don't really know what they like to eat, but I give them all kinds of things...this one will eat just about anything..."

She looks down at it, looks at the way it's struggling to get after Eusine, and she frowns. Huh. It's never really done that before. "Um...call me crazy, but -- I think this one just...likes you. I think?"

"You can't blame me for asking!" The thing did sink its teeth into his butt for what felt like an eternity.

And now... it's true that it seems oddly uninterested in Milly. Bonding so fast with a creature, despite their previous struggle... Why, no one else would be capable of such a feat! His chest puffs up with unwarranted pride, a confident grin taking its usual place on his face.

"Hah!" he exults. "Hardly surprising, really. Animals of all kinds love me!"

There is absolutely no trace of hesitation in his movement when he approaches his hand to the creature's head with the intent to pet it.

Milly is really looking dubious about that statement. He looks...way too confident, in fact, despite all evidence. Not for the first time today, Milly wonders what his deal is.

As Eusine reaches out to the crystal critter, it looks for one, brief moment like it might go smoothly. But then the creature calmly opens up its gaping maw and clamps its razor-sharp teeth down firmly over Eusine's hand.

Well, you could argue "love" does include "think his flesh is delicious".

Too bad Eusine isn't exactly in the mood to argue right now. He confusedly stares at the creature for a second, as if he weren't completely sure this is something that just happened, before erupting into a pained howl. His free hand shoots at the creature's head, shaking fingers hurriedly trying to pry the maw open - he looks a lot more frantic than he was when his butt was the target of the attack, which might have something to do with the fact magicians kind of need their hands in working order.

Fortunately, it only takes him a few frenzied seconds to free his bleeding appendage, after which he brings it to his mouth to suck on the wound. He doesn't even bother pretending there aren't tears pricking at his eyes. That stings.

Despite the previous manhandling, the critter makes little noises of contentment. It does kind of look disappointed it's no longer chewing on one of the guy's bodyparts but really, you can't have everything.

"Oh god! Oh god, are you okay?!"

Milly's eyes go wide and she jerks back with the critter in her arms, looking frantically to -- what?? It's not like she has any bandages on her... Instead, she defaults to scolding the critter, shaking a hand at it as if that'll do it, although she's at least cautious enough to keep her hand out of biting distace.

"Mooncrash, no! Bad! Bad...um...bad thing! Don't bite the neighbors! Eusine, I am so sorry..."

He's busy flexing his fingers to check for nerve damage when Milly starts scolding the creature... but one thing catches his attention.

"You named it Mooncrash?"

The most surprising thing is perhaps that there is absolutely no disbelief in his voice. This is the tone of someone who is perfectly willing to believe someone would name a strange crystal pet "mooncrash".

Priorities.

"Um...yeah," Milly says, a little surprised at the total lack of judging going on here. She actually smiles a little. "I thought it was fitting. It's a cool-sounding name, right? I came up with it myself." She even sounds a little smug, a little self-satisfied.

His mood is considerably improved by Milly's smile. People smiling around him is how things should be, you see.

"It's a lovely name," he says, with a lot of emphasis on 'lovely' and a bright smile on his face. "But not quite as lovely as the girl who bestowed it upon it!"

He absent-mindedly clenches and unclenches his hand, brow slightly furrowed as if he didn't just flirt with Milly in the most obvious way possible, before resuming.

"I don't suppose you have a cage, do you? I happen to have one I'm not using myself - ah, but it's a bit too big to carry downstairs..."

Whoa, that sure is a cute (if totally weird and doofy) French guy flirting with her. Milly goes a little pink at first, mouth opening for some kind of...comeback or response, but she's saved from having to think of anything because he just keeps on talking.

"A cage?" Milly looks a little taken aback. "No, I don't...but -- well, I have an idea." She beams suddenly, less shy now, and her eyes brighten. "You can have Mooncrash! It obviously likes you...sort of...come on! It'll be like a housewarming gift! You're new here, right?"

Yes, a housewarming gift that keeps on giving. With its teeth. This is totally not a way to foist off the crystal pet on Eusine so that Milly no longer has to deal with it.

It's Eusine's turn to beam. Not that he wasn't already beaming five seconds ago, of course. This guy's face is a constant whirlwind of emotions.

"That's right! I moved in not too long ago." He points to the stairs leading to the upper floor with his thumb. "I live in the penthouse - you absolutely must visit sometime!"

He sounds really enthusiastic about it.

"Are you sure about this, though?" His tone is that of someone who really wants something but doesn't want to sound like they really want something. "I wouldn't want to deprive you of one of your beloved crystal pets!"

Milly's not sure how she feels about visiting her eccentric French magician neighbor in his penthouse suite, however cute he might be. Maybe he just wants to show off how cool his apartment is. He does seem like kind of a showoff.

"Oh...trust me, you can have it," Milly says quickly, hurriedly throwing on a smile. The truth is, as much as she loves Mooncrash, she's getting a little tired of it chewing holes in all her nice sweaters with its needle-like teeth, and getting her synthetic skin repaired can be kind of a pain. "I have two more, and it...really...likes you! Yeah! Here. Take it!"

She holds out the still-thrashing Mooncrash, although it's neatly bound up by the rope. The knot's not very fancy, but it's pretty tight.

Of course he wants to show off his apartment. He cannot possibly conceive of any other reason why a pretty lady would visit a guy's penthouse suite.

Despite everything, Eusine's eyes sparkle like a kid's when Milly hands him Mooncrash; it might have sharp teeth and an odd taste for his delicious tender flesh, but he's excited about the prospect of figuring out what those crystal beasts are exactly. The smile he makes when he puts his hands around the struggling pet - brushing Milly's fingers with his own in the process, because there are conventions - can only be described as "nerdy", really.

"I shall take good care of it! You have my word." Bombastic or not, he does seem to be making efforts to hold the thing in a way that won't hurt it... though one of his hands is firmly closed around its neck, clamping its jaw shut. He's had enough hand injuries for at least a thousand years, thank you very much.

Milly can't help but grin a little at the look on his face. Okay, so he's kind of weird, definitely doofy, and...did she say weird? But even so, he seems like an alright kind of guy. Not the worst sort Milly could have for a neighbor, at least.

"Thanks -- I think," she says, looking like she can't decide whether or not to laugh. "It seems to eat just about anything, as far as I can tell...just don't let it get too close to your clean laundry."

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sorry not sorry

never be sorry

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EUSINE YOU DOOF!!!!!!! OMFG

HE IS THE BIGGEST DOOF

THE BIGGEST MILLY'S EVER SEEN, THAT'S FOR SURE

shhh milly you totally love doofs

she has a total weakness for doofs

so sorry milly. your life is doomed to be doofs forever

milly's life is doomed to be doofs forever in every continuity

at least sagi-wagi is a cute doof. eusine is roughly 80% less cute and 200% more tool.

TRUE. TRUE

tbf eusine is still kinda cute... in a "dumb eager puppy who just chewed your slippers" way

CAN'T DENY THAT TBH

i have so many conflicted feelings about this tool, i both want to punch him and pat him on the head

so does milly. so does milly

this cr in a nutshell, clearly

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