Entry tags:
(no subject)
Who: Karkat Vantas (
10thingsihateaboutme) & Magdal Leijon (
scribes)
Where: The Sufferist safe house.
When: End of February
What: The Second Troll Jesus meets the Disciple of the First.
Warnings: Don't expect there to be any. Karkat's swearing??
Di was nervous.
She had known to eventually she would be introduced to the Signless' successor, but after so long of being left to her own devices she had started to wonder if something had gone amiss. When she woke up to the message that they would be bringing him in today it had first sent her into a fit for them not having giving her more notification and then a panic when she realized she...really had no idea of what to expect. How old was he? How informed was he? Was he fully immersed with the Sufferist, or was he like her, still getting his bearings? When she realized just how much she didn't know it made her exasperated but at least that was easier to deal with than anger or panic.
It was a testament to how badly she wanted to make a good impression that she actually gave some thought as to what to wear. In the end she had settled for some boring black dresses pants and long sleeved turtle neck, but the fact that Di had given an iota of thought instead of just slapping on whatever she grabbed first was something.
The rest of the day was spent nervously cleaning up things for the fifth time, looking at the clock, trying to read, looking at the clock, redoing her braid, and looking at the clock. There had to be something wrong with it because she was certain it had never been this slow before, but when at last that knock came it almost seemed too soon.
Di took a moment to compose herself before walking to the entrance, and opening the door.
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Where: The Sufferist safe house.
When: End of February
What: The Second Troll Jesus meets the Disciple of the First.
Warnings: Don't expect there to be any. Karkat's swearing??
Di was nervous.
She had known to eventually she would be introduced to the Signless' successor, but after so long of being left to her own devices she had started to wonder if something had gone amiss. When she woke up to the message that they would be bringing him in today it had first sent her into a fit for them not having giving her more notification and then a panic when she realized she...really had no idea of what to expect. How old was he? How informed was he? Was he fully immersed with the Sufferist, or was he like her, still getting his bearings? When she realized just how much she didn't know it made her exasperated but at least that was easier to deal with than anger or panic.
It was a testament to how badly she wanted to make a good impression that she actually gave some thought as to what to wear. In the end she had settled for some boring black dresses pants and long sleeved turtle neck, but the fact that Di had given an iota of thought instead of just slapping on whatever she grabbed first was something.
The rest of the day was spent nervously cleaning up things for the fifth time, looking at the clock, trying to read, looking at the clock, redoing her braid, and looking at the clock. There had to be something wrong with it because she was certain it had never been this slow before, but when at last that knock came it almost seemed too soon.
Di took a moment to compose herself before walking to the entrance, and opening the door.
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The message had come to him via CONDOR, so he wasn't too worried about it being a trap – that is to say, he'd briefly entertained the panicked thought that it might be, but had realised in short order that that was ridiculous – but he had a positive wealth of other things to worry about.
The idea of actually meeting any of his ancestor's contemporaries had never crossed his mind. He knew, of course, the stories about the Psiioniic, that he was supposedly still alive as the helmsman of Her Imperious Condescension's ship, but although some of the Sufferists had seemed quite certain about it, he'd dismissed it as rumour and legend – that a lowblood should live that long seemed improbable to him, even if the Condesce had the same healing powers as Feferi did. As far as he was concerned the lot of them, surely, were dead, and this was the last thing he'd expected to be informed about out of nowhere.
As he drew closer to the destination he'd been supplied with, though, it started to sink in. As long as this wasn't some kind of trick or a weird test or something, he was about to meet someone who'd been closer than anybody to the troll whose prodigious foot coverings he was supposed to be filling.
There was no way in hell he was going to be good enough.
His ears folded back as the door swung open, and he took an involuntary step back – and, as he set eyes on her more fully, did a double take.
"Shit –"
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There, standing before her is a youthful Signless. Almost as young as when she had first met him. For a second she almost believes this, but reality comes crashing back down. Even if not for the fact that that was illogical, there were differences there. Signless' features were almost as, perhaps even more familiar to her than her own.
Yet even with those differences it was hard to look at Karkat and not remember. She had been doing a good job of keeping her head in the game, concentrating on the present, and trying to figure out where to go from here but having Karkat standing before her was a brutal reminder of what she had lost.
Her expression contorted as she tried to keep in calm, and after a moment she managed to compose herself.
"Welcome, Karkat," She opened the door wider and stepped aside to allow him room to enter at his leisure, "Make yourself at home."
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"Uh – right, yeah," he said. "Fuck – sorry, you just look like someone –" He shook his head. That was ridiculous – he had to be imagining it. She and Nessa weren't even the same species. "Forget it."
His ears twitched, and he stepped through the door, glancing around nervously. "So you're... the Disciple, right."
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"That's right." It was a title she now wore with mixed feelings, wondering if she even deserved it after having done nothing in his name for so long. Still, if there was only one thing she was certain of in her life right now it was the beliefs that Signless had preached.
She took the lead, folding her hands in front of her to show Karkat to the kitchen and the tiny dining table. Her eyes never fully seemed to meet his again, and curious as she was as to his comment she let it go.
"Are you thirsty? Can I get you something to drink? Tea? Water?" Sadly that was all she had at the moment.
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"... How long have you even been here?"
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"About four perigrees, roughly." She grabbed a glass of water for herself, before finally sitting down and meeting his gaze with a small, if somewhat sad smile.
She indicated the seat across from her. "How about yourself? How have you been liking this planet?" If at all.
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"I'm surprised they didn't at least inform you of my presence, but I suppose they didn't set this meeting up sooner for my sake. I've been," a pause as she considered a more tactful word than the one that first sprung to mind, "disoriented. I've been trying to learn the language, catch up on all I've missed, and decide what I want to do."
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"... What do you want to do? I mean, do you get a choice?"
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"I want to help. I still believe in the world Signless saw in his visions, and still believe that trolls have it in them to turn away from their instinctual violent tendencies. I believe that compassion and equality can thrive on Alternia."
She took a moment to take a sip of her drink before setting it down.
"As far as choice goes I do not think the Sufferists would force me, but without them I'd have absolutely nowhere to go." So it was somewhat questionable just how much of a choice she really did have, but fortunately her desires fell more or less in line with theirs.
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"And what about you? What do you want to do? How much have they told you?"
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"That is more or less true, I suppose. Signless did have visions of someone like him eventually picking up where he left off." Going as far as to call it a prophecy seemed a touch dramatic, but Disciple had come to learn of the reverent way in which they regarded Signless. She wasn't certain how comfortable she was with that, and couldn't help but feel that Signless wouldn't have liked it much either.
"But no, it would not be. It's got to be your choice, Karkat, and it's not one that you need to make straight away. Learn more of what exactly is being fought for here, about Signless and what he taught. Learn more about what you want for yourself and then you can give us your answer. I'll support you whatever answer that might be."
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"I'm not trying to dissuade you from it." The question at hand was one she had to give some thought. The last thing she wanted to do was diminish Karkat's importance. Signless had said he would be the one to lead them to peace and the Disciple believed that with all her heart.
Neither did she question Karkat's ideals. Even before he had revealed to her he had read her book, it was obvious he had a moral imperative. Had he not, he wouldn't have felt such a sense of duty towards the Sufferists at all.
"I just worry. It had seemed like they hadn't really informed you of much, and when you questioned if I had a choice it made me worry that perhaps they weren't giving you one. And yes, Karkat, it has to be your choice. Not something done out of obligation.
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He shrugged, awkwardly.
"Well I ... I'm probably just not going to be as great at it as he was," he confessed.
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"I know it's probably not what your want to hear right now, but I believe you'll be great in your own right. These are different times, much, much different from my and Signless' times. You'll know what is needed--and as I said, you'll have my support and that of many others. It's not something you have to face alone."
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"No, look," he said uncomfortably, not meeting her eyes, "I'm not a great leader, I'm just – not cut out for this shit. Whoever tried to cut me out for this shit used those idiot bendy scissors for wigglers and mangled the handle in their huge incompetent pork fists halfway through, alright – I tried the whole leader thing and I just fucked a bunch of people over." He looked at the floor. "I just don't want you to get your fucking hopes up with this, is all."
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"Would you like to speak of what happened?" It was the best she could think to do. Perhaps he might feel a little better if he thought they knew what to expect of him, and what not to expect. To be honest, she was also rather curious.
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Looking at Karkat now she could recall so perfectly how Signless had been those days when their movement had turned, by not desire of their own into a revolution, and then outright rebellion. It made her blood pusher wrench and she was torn between giving encouragement and being factual. Neither seemed particularly good--she ended up either seeming insincere or cold-hearted.
"Are any of those trolls still with you?" She almost feared the answer, but it felt important to ask.
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"Did you say Sollux?" Talk about a small world. Sollux was the name of a young troll she had talked to just the other day. He had mentioned coming here and being imprisoned by some humans. It had to be the same one, right?
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"... Uh, yeah, what, do you know him?" How would she know him? What the hell is going on here.
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"Yes, what happened to him must have been terrible," No exactly encouraging words, but she went on, "the alternative, however, was for him to become a slave. Another drone, another casualty added to the heaps the Empire has and does not care about."
She closed her eyes for a moment, idly tracing a finger over the rim of her glass.
"As a leader your people need to trust you and your decisions. It seems you already have that with at least a couple people, which is more difficult to obtain that one might think." She thought she had it. Clearly she had been wrong since her followers hadn't trusted her decision enough to let her begin sermonizing. Had they, she wouldn't be here to begin with.
"At the same time, you also need to trust those who follow you. Trust in their knowledge that things can go wrong. Whether it is escaping from a planet, leading a single mission as a hero, trying to change the mindset of a single person or overturning someone's rule there are many dangers and possibilities that no one could even imagine. They know this, and it is their choice to take that risk."
She sighed. She was rambling, wasn't she? "I guess the point I'm getting to is not to let a single instance define you. I apologize if I am being insensitive in saying that, but leadership, like most everything else needs to be learned."
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"As for the Trailblazers I know they are an organization with several groups around this continent. They take in younger...superheroes...people who show exceptional combat skills or abilities to train them. CONDOR supports them and that's about it as far as my knowledge goes."
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Karkat was so young and she was now, more or less, useless with how out of her element she was. Moreover, while she still held onto those strong beliefs of equality and compassion without really having any individuals to love and want to protect it was harder to hold onto those ideas.
Before, while things had been overwhelming at the very least she had been able to chart out the things needed for their success. Now she was completely lost. Where to even begin when things were so difficult for Karkat in a place that was meant to be sanctuary from their oppressors?
Well, perhaps that was her answer. It wasn't much of one, but if Karkat kept getting dragged into situations like that he needed to learn to defend himself better.
"What training do they give you at Trailblazers?"
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"Do they focus on anything in particular, or is it generalized? I was thinking perhaps I could show you some things I know. Truth be told I'm not sure how much my experience will count for in this world, but I don't think it would hurt to share what we know."
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"We'll find a way to make it work. Do you know of any space that we could use?" She'd rather not wreck the place that was provided for her.
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...then again, perhaps not. She frowned a little. With everything else that had been happening she wasn't certain whether CONDOR knew she was here or not. It had never really crossed her mind.
"I'll need to confirm things with the Sufferists first but that seems like an ideal place." She'd be very interested in see what the Trailblazers was like.
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Though there was nothing stopping them from doing that still.
"With some business taken care of...I'd really like to know more about you, Karkat. If you don't mind that is. What do you like to do?" She was curious about a lot of things really. Largely what his life had been like up until now, but those were questions that were best left for some other time.