capitalh | (no subject)

Entry tags:

(no subject)

Who: Karkat Vantas (

10thingsihateaboutme) & Magdal Leijon (

scribes)
Where: The Sufferist safe house.
When: End of February
What: The Second Troll Jesus meets the Disciple of the First.
Warnings: Don't expect there to be any. Karkat's swearing??

Di was nervous.

She had known to eventually she would be introduced to the Signless' successor, but after so long of being left to her own devices she had started to wonder if something had gone amiss. When she woke up to the message that they would be bringing him in today it had first sent her into a fit for them not having giving her more notification and then a panic when she realized she...really had no idea of what to expect. How old was he? How informed was he? Was he fully immersed with the Sufferist, or was he like her, still getting his bearings? When she realized just how much she didn't know it made her exasperated but at least that was easier to deal with than anger or panic.

It was a testament to how badly she wanted to make a good impression that she actually gave some thought as to what to wear. In the end she had settled for some boring black dresses pants and long sleeved turtle neck, but the fact that Di had given an iota of thought instead of just slapping on whatever she grabbed first was something.

The rest of the day was spent nervously cleaning up things for the fifth time, looking at the clock, trying to read, looking at the clock, redoing her braid, and looking at the clock. There had to be something wrong with it because she was certain it had never been this slow before, but when at last that knock came it almost seemed too soon.

Di took a moment to compose herself before walking to the entrance, and opening the door.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Karkat was on edge.

The message had come to him via CONDOR, so he wasn't too worried about it being a trap – that is to say, he'd briefly entertained the panicked thought that it might be, but had realised in short order that that was ridiculous – but he had a positive wealth of other things to worry about.

The idea of actually meeting any of his ancestor's contemporaries had never crossed his mind. He knew, of course, the stories about the Psiioniic, that he was supposedly still alive as the helmsman of Her Imperious Condescension's ship, but although some of the Sufferists had seemed quite certain about it, he'd dismissed it as rumour and legend – that a lowblood should live that long seemed improbable to him, even if the Condesce had the same healing powers as Feferi did. As far as he was concerned the lot of them, surely, were dead, and this was the last thing he'd expected to be informed about out of nowhere.

As he drew closer to the destination he'd been supplied with, though, it started to sink in. As long as this wasn't some kind of trick or a weird test or something, he was about to meet someone who'd been closer than anybody to the troll whose prodigious foot coverings he was supposed to be filling.

There was no way in hell he was going to be good enough.

His ears folded back as the door swung open, and he took an involuntary step back – and, as he set eyes on her more fully, did a double take.

"Shit –"

When Disciple opens the door, much like Karkat she jerks back in shock.

There, standing before her is a youthful Signless. Almost as young as when she had first met him. For a second she almost believes this, but reality comes crashing back down. Even if not for the fact that that was illogical, there were differences there. Signless' features were almost as, perhaps even more familiar to her than her own.

Yet even with those differences it was hard to look at Karkat and not remember. She had been doing a good job of keeping her head in the game, concentrating on the present, and trying to figure out where to go from here but having Karkat standing before her was a brutal reminder of what she had lost.

Her expression contorted as she tried to keep in calm, and after a moment she managed to compose herself.

"Welcome, Karkat," She opened the door wider and stepped aside to allow him room to enter at his leisure, "Make yourself at home."

He stared at her for a moment, regaining his bearings.

"Uh – right, yeah," he said. "Fuck – sorry, you just look like someone –" He shook his head. That was ridiculous – he had to be imagining it. She and Nessa weren't even the same species. "Forget it."

His ears twitched, and he stepped through the door, glancing around nervously. "So you're... the Disciple, right."

She gently closed the door behind Karkat once he had entered and gave a nod to his question.

"That's right." It was a title she now wore with mixed feelings, wondering if she even deserved it after having done nothing in his name for so long. Still, if there was only one thing she was certain of in her life right now it was the beliefs that Signless had preached.

She took the lead, folding her hands in front of her to show Karkat to the kitchen and the tiny dining table. Her eyes never fully seemed to meet his again, and curious as she was as to his comment she let it go.

"Are you thirsty? Can I get you something to drink? Tea? Water?" Sadly that was all she had at the moment.

"What? No – it's fine." Karkat seemed if anything troubled by the question. He was very clearly uneasy, unsure of himself as well as of her, with none of his ancestor's social grace. He also couldn't stop staring at her.

"... How long have you even been here?"

Di on the other hand wanted to do anything but look at him. Fortunately she was aware of how that might come off and despite how turbulent she was feeling, she could keep her emotions in check.

"About four perigrees, roughly." She grabbed a glass of water for herself, before finally sitting down and meeting his gaze with a small, if somewhat sad smile.

She indicated the seat across from her. "How about yourself? How have you been liking this planet?" If at all.

"Shit, that long?" Apprehensively, he sat down, still looking more confused than anything else. "Why didn't anybody tell me sooner, I – shit, I've been here for like half a sweep." He looked at her as if searching for some kind of explanation. "Have you seriously been right here this entire time?"

Half a sweep? That seemed like a mighty long time. Then again, four perigrees had gone by pretty damn quickly. At this rate she'll have been on Earth for half a sweep before she knew it.

"I'm surprised they didn't at least inform you of my presence, but I suppose they didn't set this meeting up sooner for my sake. I've been," a pause as she considered a more tactful word than the one that first sprung to mind, "disoriented. I've been trying to learn the language, catch up on all I've missed, and decide what I want to do."

Karkat nodded slowly – and frowned.

"... What do you want to do? I mean, do you get a choice?"

She leaned back in her seat, nursing her glass of water.

"I want to help. I still believe in the world Signless saw in his visions, and still believe that trolls have it in them to turn away from their instinctual violent tendencies. I believe that compassion and equality can thrive on Alternia."

She took a moment to take a sip of her drink before setting it down.

"As far as choice goes I do not think the Sufferists would force me, but without them I'd have absolutely nowhere to go." So it was somewhat questionable just how much of a choice she really did have, but fortunately her desires fell more or less in line with theirs.

He shifted uncomfortably. "You could probably manage without them on Earth," he said. "Everyone here is pretty chill – like they don't like trolls, because we've been at war with them, but they still let, you know, individual trolls live here."

She smiled a little at his suggestion. "Perhaps." It was more than just having a place to stay. Di wondered if Karkat had been informed of her exact situation. If not, she wouldn't withhold the information but at the moment she was more concerned with knowing his.

"And what about you? What do you want to do? How much have they told you?"

"... Well I've got to fulfil this prophecy," Karkat said, a little uneasily, tucking his ears back. "It'd be a gargantuan suppurating dick move not to."

That really was not much at all and it caused the already faint smile on Di's face to drop. It looked like the Sufferist were being incredibly selective about the information they were giving the both of them and that would just not do. She'd have to have a long talk with them soon. The movement seemed threadbare enough as it was, they couldn't have themselves divided up like this.

"That is more or less true, I suppose. Signless did have visions of someone like him eventually picking up where he left off." Going as far as to call it a prophecy seemed a touch dramatic, but Disciple had come to learn of the reverent way in which they regarded Signless. She wasn't certain how comfortable she was with that, and couldn't help but feel that Signless wouldn't have liked it much either.

"But no, it would not be. It's got to be your choice, Karkat, and it's not one that you need to make straight away. Learn more of what exactly is being fought for here, about Signless and what he taught. Learn more about what you want for yourself and then you can give us your answer. I'll support you whatever answer that might be."

Karkat frowned. "I've read the book," he said, sounding a little bit offended. He'd read it multiple times, actually, partially just because he'd had nothing else in Alternian to read for six perigees. "You know, I mean, the stuff that ... that you wrote, right, I've read all of it, I – why would I not do this, what the fuck is the point of anything if I don't?"

It was a bit surprising to hear that her manuscript had survived. Considering how the Empire liked to play revisionist, she would have thought all its copies lost or burned long ago.

"I'm not trying to dissuade you from it." The question at hand was one she had to give some thought. The last thing she wanted to do was diminish Karkat's importance. Signless had said he would be the one to lead them to peace and the Disciple believed that with all her heart.

Neither did she question Karkat's ideals. Even before he had revealed to her he had read her book, it was obvious he had a moral imperative. Had he not, he wouldn't have felt such a sense of duty towards the Sufferists at all.

"I just worry. It had seemed like they hadn't really informed you of much, and when you questioned if I had a choice it made me worry that perhaps they weren't giving you one. And yes, Karkat, it has to be your choice. Not something done out of obligation.

Karkat looked kind of uncomfortable about that, if anything – his feelings about the Sufferist movement weren't always entirely straightforward, and while he was, at the heart of it, in favour of their goals (even if they made him kind of scared sometimes), it was hard to look at it as a choice. There were a host of reasons that it was a lot easier to view it as something he had to do, rather than something he could do if he wanted.

He shrugged, awkwardly.

"Well I ... I'm probably just not going to be as great at it as he was," he confessed.

Edited 2014-03-29 00:06 (UTC)

It was an understandable fear. Were she in his shoes, she would feel the very same.

"I know it's probably not what your want to hear right now, but I believe you'll be great in your own right. These are different times, much, much different from my and Signless' times. You'll know what is needed--and as I said, you'll have my support and that of many others. It's not something you have to face alone."

He grimaced a little; he wasn't really sure he would know what was needed. He had the feeling that the Sufferists were more or less hoping to just be able to wheel him out and have him do what they said, which didn't sit well with him at all, but at the same time...

"No, look," he said uncomfortably, not meeting her eyes, "I'm not a great leader, I'm just – not cut out for this shit. Whoever tried to cut me out for this shit used those idiot bendy scissors for wigglers and mangled the handle in their huge incompetent pork fists halfway through, alright – I tried the whole leader thing and I just fucked a bunch of people over." He looked at the floor. "I just don't want you to get your fucking hopes up with this, is all."

Edited 2014-03-30 02:05 (UTC)

Trying to reassure him that he wouldn't seemed like a bit of a moot point. The truth was that Di held onto Signless' words faithfully, and so she held onto Karkat's capabilities faithfully. Sadly, she didn't have Signless' way with words. She didn't know how to both speak of said faith, and assuage his fears.

"Would you like to speak of what happened?" It was the best she could think to do. Perhaps he might feel a little better if he thought they knew what to expect of him, and what not to expect. To be honest, she was also rather curious.

"Not really." Karkat's ears folded down. "Me and a bunch of other trolls were trying to get off Alternia before conscription and I decided I was going to take charge like a real fucking troll's troll and it all went to shit, is all."

It showed initiative, but Di did had to wonder just how much had gone wrong for Karkat to react like that. Had lives been lost? Cruel as it may seem, in any grand endeavor that was simply something to be expected. It wasn't something that ever became easy. More than anything, she could empathize with the guilt that came with being a survivor.

Looking at Karkat now she could recall so perfectly how Signless had been those days when their movement had turned, by not desire of their own into a revolution, and then outright rebellion. It made her blood pusher wrench and she was torn between giving encouragement and being factual. Neither seemed particularly good--she ended up either seeming insincere or cold-hearted.

"Are any of those trolls still with you?" She almost feared the answer, but it felt important to ask.

"... Yeah, a couple of them. But only because we found each other again." He stared at his hands, fidgeting on the table. "More like they found each other though, not like I actually did anything to get Sollux away from fucking TRIDENT."

Di wasn't expecting to hear a familiar name.

"Did you say Sollux?" Talk about a small world. Sollux was the name of a young troll she had talked to just the other day. He had mentioned coming here and being imprisoned by some humans. It had to be the same one, right?

He blinks, surprised.

"... Uh, yeah, what, do you know him?" How would she know him? What the hell is going on here.

"We spoke briefly on The Watch's network." So the group he had mentioned was TRIDENT. It made her feel even worse for him, if half the things she had read about them were true. At the very least he was out of their grasp. It was good to hear that Karkat and Sollux had one another.

"Oh," he says, "right. Yeah. Okay." He frowns. "Right, well, he wouldn't have got his shit into that mess if I'd kept us together, that's what I'm talking about."

She mulled this information over. Sollux has said he had been imprisoned for nearly half a sweep. Who knew what he had undergone in that time.

"Yes, what happened to him must have been terrible," No exactly encouraging words, but she went on, "the alternative, however, was for him to become a slave. Another drone, another casualty added to the heaps the Empire has and does not care about."

She closed her eyes for a moment, idly tracing a finger over the rim of her glass.

"As a leader your people need to trust you and your decisions. It seems you already have that with at least a couple people, which is more difficult to obtain that one might think." She thought she had it. Clearly she had been wrong since her followers hadn't trusted her decision enough to let her begin sermonizing. Had they, she wouldn't be here to begin with.

"At the same time, you also need to trust those who follow you. Trust in their knowledge that things can go wrong. Whether it is escaping from a planet, leading a single mission as a hero, trying to change the mindset of a single person or overturning someone's rule there are many dangers and possibilities that no one could even imagine. They know this, and it is their choice to take that risk."

She sighed. She was rambling, wasn't she? "I guess the point I'm getting to is not to let a single instance define you. I apologize if I am being insensitive in saying that, but leadership, like most everything else needs to be learned."

"... So what," said Karkat uneasily, "I should be practicing? I don't know how much you know about Earth but I don't exactly get a whole lot of chances at that. Mostly I just get kidnapped a whole bunch."

"Kidnapped?" A whole bunch? Just how many times were they talking here?

He's exaggerating – a little bit. It's pretty embarrassing either way. He looks off to one side, ears twitching. "Yeah, uh... how much do you know about Earth? You've been online, right? Do you know about the Trailblazers?"

"Not much. Learning about it is what I've been trying to do in the time I've been here." She would probably have a much better general sense if she didn't insist on researching things in such detail, but that was her way.

"As for the Trailblazers I know they are an organization with several groups around this continent. They take in younger...superheroes...people who show exceptional combat skills or abilities to train them. CONDOR supports them and that's about it as far as my knowledge goes."

"Yeah," he says. "That's my team. I'm on the West Coast Trailblazers – that's the Trailblazers group on this side of this Earth continent – and..." He winces a little. "It's probably because I'm the only troll, so every now and then some jackass notices me when I'm not in uniform and decides they're gonna use me as bait to try to lure the rest of the team into a trap whatever. Or just because they hate Alternians, whatever."

Disciple honestly was not sure what to think of this situation anymore. Back when the movement had first begun things were different. Sure the odds were overwhelming. More so than now, if she had to be honest. Before it was her, Signless, Psiioniic, the Dolorosa and those who followed them against the Empire. An Empire that had powerful highbloods, and almost all the technology in their hands. Here they had many more followers, some of them capable of producing great things, and one of the most powerful organizations of another planet backing them up. By all accounts things should look much more brighter but...they didn't.

Karkat was so young and she was now, more or less, useless with how out of her element she was. Moreover, while she still held onto those strong beliefs of equality and compassion without really having any individuals to love and want to protect it was harder to hold onto those ideas.

Before, while things had been overwhelming at the very least she had been able to chart out the things needed for their success. Now she was completely lost. Where to even begin when things were so difficult for Karkat in a place that was meant to be sanctuary from their oppressors?

Well, perhaps that was her answer. It wasn't much of one, but if Karkat kept getting dragged into situations like that he needed to learn to defend himself better.

"What training do they give you at Trailblazers?"

Karkat frowns slightly. "I do a bunch of combat training, why?"

She had assumed as much but it was good to have it confirmed. It vague answer though.

"Do they focus on anything in particular, or is it generalized? I was thinking perhaps I could show you some things I know. Truth be told I'm not sure how much my experience will count for in this world, but I don't think it would hurt to share what we know."

He actually perks up a little at that. "Shit, really? Hell yeah, that'd be awesome – our stuff is pretty general but mostly I use sickles..."

She smiled a little as well when he seemed to perk up. Fighting against someone who wielded sickles would be familiar, so she wouldn't be completely lost.

"We'll find a way to make it work. Do you know of any space that we could use?" She'd rather not wreck the place that was provided for her.

"We could probably get away with doing it at the Trailblazers base," he suggests. "We've got a training facility there, I'd just have to clear you with CONDOR first, and they already know you're here..."

Di nodded. It seemed like a good idea, and while she had never really spoken with any representatives of CONDOR, considering she was using facilities they had provided, she was certain the Sufferists must have informed her of them.

...then again, perhaps not. She frowned a little. With everything else that had been happening she wasn't certain whether CONDOR knew she was here or not. It had never really crossed her mind.

"I'll need to confirm things with the Sufferists first but that seems like an ideal place." She'd be very interested in see what the Trailblazers was like.

Edited 2014-04-03 21:36 (UTC)

"Cool," he said, "yeah, okay." He was actually kind of smiling there – he did want to make a good impression on her, and maybe if she taught him some moves they could, like, bond or something... maybe this would all be less awkward.

It would definitely be nice to have something to focus on. Helping Karkat be able to defend himself better would finally be something that made Di feel like she was accomplishing something of worth. As tense as their conversation had been thus far, she likewise felt that it would be nice to get to know him more.

Though there was nothing stopping them from doing that still.

"With some business taken care of...I'd really like to know more about you, Karkat. If you don't mind that is. What do you like to do?" She was curious about a lot of things really. Largely what his life had been like up until now, but those were questions that were best left for some other time.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only