"... Right," he says. His mouth feels dry. What does he miss? He misses – culture. He misses feeling like he belonged – no, that's bullshit. He misses pretending he belonged. He misses knowing all the rules for how things were supposed to go so he could follow them slavishly in the hope of living up to something he intrinsically could not be. He misses movies and games that told him that he and half of the people he cared about were expendable at best. He misses it and he's scared of the fact that it needs to be destroyed.
What a jackass, he thinks miserably, but that doesn't make it go away – the feeling that if he could he wouldn't make everything okay for everyone, he'd just make himself normal. He feels kind of sick.
"So..." He stares at his shoes. "... Not worth it, right."
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"... Right," he says. His mouth feels dry. What does he miss? He misses – culture. He misses feeling like he belonged – no, that's bullshit. He misses pretending he belonged. He misses knowing all the rules for how things were supposed to go so he could follow them slavishly in the hope of living up to something he intrinsically could not be. He misses movies and games that told him that he and half of the people he cared about were expendable at best. He misses it and he's scared of the fact that it needs to be destroyed.
What a jackass, he thinks miserably, but that doesn't make it go away – the feeling that if he could he wouldn't make everything okay for everyone, he'd just make himself normal. He feels kind of sick.
"So..." He stares at his shoes. "... Not worth it, right."